If you’re anything like me, you have had a moment or many moments where you’ve thought to yourself, “I wish I had someone I could talk to about this.”

Whether you're facing a work challenge, a life change, or just navigating the day-to-day messiness of being a career woman or working mom, open yourself up to the magic of finding a mentor (or a few) to support you in life and work and help you navigate the ups and downs of being a woman.

Now, I know what you might be thinking; “isn’t it hard to find a mentor? And how do I even go about finding someone?” Or, maybe what’s stopping you from seeking out these relationships is the fear that you will be a bother or that you’re not worthy of mentorship. Well, I’m here to tell you you deserve support and success! Not just because you are thoughtful and passionate (and I’m sure you are) but because for every person, there is someone who has walked a similar path before them and can show them the way. 

The fantastic thing about finding and establishing relationships with women who can mentor you is that these guardian angels or fairy godmothers are not just career guides; they’re also life coaches, your most passionate cheerleaders, and the supportive besties you need. And, here’s the best part: the unrealized mentors in your life are already at your fingertips. You just have to tap into your desire to be mentored and your willingness to be humble enough to seek out the right one.

What Exactly is a Mentor (and Why You Need One Stat)

There’s a lot of confusion about what exactly a mentor is and why you might need one as a woman. 

Here’s how I define a mentor:

A mentor is someone who’s been there, done that, and has the wisdom (and scars) to prove it in the field or lifestyle you’re chasing.

Don’t overthink it. You likely have a ton of women around you who would qualify as a mentor based on the definition above. Am I right?

There are so many types of mentors out there, and no, they don’t need to define themselves as one. Some mentors are business owners, entrepreneurs, mothers, life coaches, and more. But your personal mentor or mentors don’t need to hold that title. They just need to be someone you feel comfortable expressing yourself around and who has already accomplished some of the things you are seeking to establish in your own life.

Confidence Booster and Self-Doubt Buster

There are so many ways a mentorship relationship can benefit your career, life, decision-making, goal-setting, and tackling those goals. Here are some of the most underappreciated reasons to establish a mentorship in your life with one or a few mentors.

Learning by Example:

A mentor that is right for you has already been there. They’ve conquered the challenges you are facing now, and have immense insight from their successes and failures to share.

Pro Tip - Make sure the individuals you approach to mentor you really have the experience you hope to gain, or have accomplished the goals you’re aspiring toward. 

Bold is Better:

It’s okay to have a mentor relationship with someone who challenges you! In fact, if the person doesn’t challenge you at all, you might want to ask yourself if you are genuinely gaining anything from the relationship.

Pro Tip - There’s a difference between challenging your limits and boundaries and a relationship with a mentor that is toxic or unhealthy. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, they should not be your mentor. Full stop.

Celebrating Your Wins and Lessons:

What better way to celebrate your wins and ugly cry over your losses or learnings than with someone who you respect and who is your mentor and fan? A mentor is someone with whom you are comfortable sharing all of the stuff, not just the good stuff.

Pro Tip - Don’t underestimate the power of asking your mentor for feedback and advice during the sticky times, and good times. Nothing is more rewarding for someone who is mentoring, than feeling that their mentee trusts them enough to share their most valuable and vulnerable moments.

Connections, Connections, Connections

One of the most significant benefits of defining and committing to a mentorship relationship is the benefits that often come with closely connecting yourself to a successful and respected career woman or female entrepreneur.

When I found my first professional mentor, it was by mistake. In fact, at first, she didn’t like me very much, but quickly, we started connecting at various community events and volunteer opportunities. Soon, she asked me to contribute to several publications that she ran, and she took extra care to introduce me to people in my industry who could expand my network and business. All because I spent time getting to know her and building a mentorship relationship.

Your mentor is not just there to give you advice; most of the time, you’ll also build a friendship, gain a network, and advocate for you in your field, marketplace, and community.

Growth on Overdrive—Personally and Professionally

If you’re seeking growth and expansion of your skills, experience, knowledge, and network, a mentor will be the person to not just support you emotionally but also kick your growth into overdrive.

Taking Out the Guesswork:

A mentor isn’t someone who keeps you in your comfort zone; they are the best people to help you push your limits, spot opportunities, and avoid pitfalls.

Your Accountability Bestie:

Sometimes, the most challenging part of setting career or life goals is keeping yourself accountable. Your mentor can set guidelines with you and hold you responsible when the dream becomes a reality, and the going gets tough.

Expanding Your Horizons:

The coolest thing (did I date myself?) about working with a mentor is that they can often see things from their perspective and experience that you cannot yet perceive or see. This can help you expand your horizons and mindset and work toward goals and accomplishments you may not have even known were possible. Imagine that!

Develop Leadership Skills with Zero Guesswork

A mentor is also a leader. I’m sure by now you know that, but it bears repeating that the person or people you seek out to foster your personal growth and support should also demonstrate leadership qualities that you find admirable, and their network does.

Learn by Observation

The best way to learn from your budding mentorship relationship is to watch and learn from your mentor's leadership qualities. Their example is likely more educational than a million books, podcasts, and lessons. 

Keeping you in Growth Mode

The value of working, among other things, of learning from someone with more experience than you is that they can likely help you see how pitfalls and challenges benefit you. I know it’s no fun to hit a roadblock or a dead end, but there is so much opportunity in those moments of stuckness and needing to pivot. Someone who’s seen the scenario can keep you growing instead of staying in the same cycle.

Pay it Forward

Women mentors, in particular, often inspire the women they support to become mentors themselves. You’re not just learning from your mentor how to be a successful woman in business; you’re also learning how to pay it forward. And believe me, there is nothing more rewarding than the moment someone approaches you to mentor them.

Ready to Find a Mentor?

Tap into Your Personal Network

This is not a middle school dance. You don’t need to make a formal offer or invite to the person you most admire to consider them a mentor. Often, the formal approach can actually deter someone. Here are a few simple ways to initiate a relationship with someone you want to gain insight from, which will likely lead you down the path of a longer-term relationship – and mentorship.

Step One: Invite them to lunch or coffee to “pick their brain” about a business issue or professional subject.

Step Two: Once you’ve met, send a thank-you email or text and ask if it would be okay to “meet again in the future.”

Step Three: Ask them to have lunch or coffee again within two months of your first meeting.

Step Four: As you close your second meeting or lunch, share (honestly) how much their expertise and experience mean to you. Believe it or not, everyone, even the most accomplished business owner or professional, likes to hear that they are appreciated. Then, ask if you can meet regularly.

And voila! You’ll have yourself a true mentor.

Hire a Professional

You can alternatively hire someone to mentor you, like a business coach or life coach. This can be a great approach if you want to create a level of accountability based on a prearranged contract. For some, this is more motivating than a relationship that is more like a friendship.

A few notes about hiring a mentor:

• Interview them (for real) - Make sure that before you start paying someone for regular support, you spend some time with them to establish whether or not you really resonate with the person.

• Clarify your needs and goals—A business coach or life coach is only as effective as you allow them to be. Clarify your goals, needs, and hangups (honestly) from the start.

Different Mentors for Different Things:

You can’t expect a friend, family member, or romantic partner to be everything to you at every juncture. You may be unable to find a mentor supporting every aspect of your life. That’s pretty understandable, right? But, even though it might make sense when you see it written down here, I’ve often seen women try to lump all of their development needs and aspirations onto one person. You can try, but it might end up being disappointing or diluted and ineffective.

My advice? Establish different mentorship relationships in your life for different things. 

You can have a mentor for your business or career and a different person who supports you in your hobby or creative projects. You get my drift. 

Just remember, women mentors and leaders are humans, just like you and me. They are likely not perfect at everything, so don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself or them.

I hope you take the time to support yourself, your goals, and your career by finding a mentor in your life. I know it’s changed mine for the better and helped me accomplish my goals time and again.

Wishing you the best of luck in your search and your future!