Adulting is Hard: Why Making Friends After 25 Feels Like Dating Without the Perks
By Holly Presswell
I stood outside the café with butterflies swarming in my stomach. I checked myself in my phone camera to make sure I looked okay. Had I dressed too casually? Had I dressed up too much? Should I have worn more makeup? Would they think I'm cool? These thoughts consumed my mind as I awaited their arrival. Who was I waiting for? A date? A boy? No. I'm just a woman in my 20s trying to make some friends.
It's not easy to make friends in your late twenties. In school, it was easier, whether it was the person you sat next to in science class or your flatmates during your first year of university. But how do you make friends when you don't have flatmates or assigned seating? It feels like making friends should be easier, especially with all the challenges of post-COVID life, rising living costs, and global warming. Adulthood is tough. Why didn't anyone warn me about this?
I recently moved to a new city. I've got an apartment, a job, and my bills sorted out. I initially thought those would be the most challenging aspects of the move, but as it turns out, I was mistaken. After a month, I had only met a few co-workers for drinks, but they weren't really my kind of people. That's when I realized I needed to find a new way to meet new friends.
According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, young adults are likelier than those in older age groups to report feeling lonely. I'm not embarrassed to admit I was lonely; I needed to just put myself out there.
In a generation where the world is at our fingertips, anything is possible. I simply had to Google "how to make friends," and I was presented with over 4 billion results. However, not all methods are equally effective.
During my search, I discovered companies like Bumble BFF and City Girl Network, which are working to address this issue by building communities for women.
Bumble BFF is a popular app that works like the dating app Bumble, but instead of dating, it's for making friends. Bumble explains that the app is for finding like-minded people, whether you've moved to a new city, picked up a new hobby, or just want someone new to talk to. This seemed perfect for my situation, but it did feel a bit strange to swipe yes or no on people to determine our potential friendship.
City Girl is a UK-based company that has helped over 125,000 women to "find friends, business connections, jobs, housemates, travel companions," and much more. There are many similar options available on Facebook in the US that work in the same way.
I thought I would give it a go.
As with many things online, I approached this new opportunity cautiously. However, my feelings of hesitation were soon squished after I made my first post. I announced to the group that "I had just moved and looking for some friends." Soon after, the comments were flooded with people who wanted to meet up or become my friend.
The messages flowed, and I agreed to meet one girl for a coffee. That's when the realization hit me: trying to make new friends feels just like dating. In the lead-up to the date, I was getting nervous. What would we speak about? Should I come with questions prepared? Had we chosen a good spot to meet? Was it weird to eat in front of them? Would they like me? What if we didn't get along?
I left the house in plenty of time, not wanting to be late and make a bad impression. Halfway there, I began to regret my choice to walk. "I should have packed deodorant," I thought to myself. "What if I am getting catfished?" I became more stressed as I approached the café.
We met out front and walked into the café together. Then the conversation just started flowing. All the questions I had prepared I didn't need to use. We shared mutual interests, and both love reading. I looked down, and was amazed to see that an hour had passed. This was going much better than I expected.
And just like that, I made my first friend in my new city!
However, not every encounter has been that easy. The demands of adulthood include responsibilities, jobs, and chores that keep us constantly busy. I found it difficult to schedule that second coffee. We agreed to meet on two Thursdays after our second date, for one hour at 3 pm.
I spoke to Hester, 22, who has used these apps since moving to London in August. "I struggled to make friends as I work from home, and City Girl helped me connect with other people in my situation." City Girl hosts events such as book clubs or drink nights as another way to bring the community together. Many people state they have made friends for life through these apps. I have my fingers crossed that this will be my experience as well.
Through my journey, I have discovered that I am not alone. I've come to terms with the fact that making friends takes time. Similar to love, the perfect people will find you. I'm just waiting for my person, or people (but please, could you hurry up?). 😉
Below is a list of websites and apps to help you find some friends if you are in a similar position to me!
1. City Girl
2. Bumble BBF
3. Meet Up
4. Peanut (mainly for mom friends)
5. Friender
Please note: Womanhood Unwrapped does not guarantee that these apps or websites are risk-free. Please use caution when approaching or meeting individuals online.
About the Author:
Holly Presswell is a freelance journalist focusing on lifestyle, culture, and entertainment. She is on the brink of completing her studies in journalism and publishing at Bath Spa University and is eager to embark on her journey in the field of journalism.
Throughout her university experience, Holly has made significant contributions to the student-run publication Milk Magazine and has also penned compelling blog posts for The Publishing Post. You can follow Holly's inspiring work on X at @hollypresswell or email her at hollypresswell@gmail.com.
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