Embracing 43 as a Woman: How Your 40s Redefine Confidence
It's sometimes hard for me to believe that I'm entering my mid-forties. It feels like just yesterday I was twenty-six, struggling to finish school and wondering about my future. Would I have a family? What would my career look like? There was so much uncertainty, but the world felt full of possibilities.
I've noticed that when someone asks how old I am, my instinct is to lie or cringe with embarrassment when I say I'm over forty. I see this in my conversations with friends, too - an apologetic tone when discussing age or rolling eyes with disdain at the thought of an upcoming birthday.
Since I turned thirty-five, I've taken time around my birthday to reflect and plan for the coming year. I'm grateful that my birthday falls in autumn, a natural time for transition and transformation. As I reflected on turning forty-three and being a woman, I realized something surprising and wonderful: I'm happier now than I was in my teens, twenties, or thirties. My confidence, direction, and overall mindset are better than ever. So why do I feel the need to minimize my age and talk about being a middle-aged woman as if it's a tragedy?
I've settled into this decade, and you know what? I'm not disappointed - I'm overjoyed, optimistic, and at peace.
So, if you found this post by accident, or if you're entering your mid-forties as a woman and feel ready to own this decade, let's talk about how you can redefine your mindset and embrace your 40s with confidence and self-awareness so you can thrive!
Own Your Middle-Age
Here's the deal, you can go through life like Eeore from Winne the Poo, complaining and lamenting every shift in time or progression in life, but where does that leave you? When you say to someone, "Ugh, I can't believe I'm 43. I feel so old!" Do you walk away feeling good about yourself? If you said "yes," go ahead and stop reading now because this blog isn't for you. But if your general perspective of your middle-ageness leaves you feeling depressed or down, maybe it's as simple as how you are talking about it and yourself!
Your words have power. And if you want to feel good about yourself, and your age, you need to speak about yourself with love, respect, and honor the roads you've traveled and the challenges you've overcome, instead of treating yourself with disdain and disappointment.
Here are a few things you can say to yourself in the mirror as you are getting ready in the morning, or in conversation.
"I'm so happy I've made it to my mid-forties! Imagine all the people who don't make it to this age. I'm so blessed."
"I'm so proud of the wisdom I've gained over the past three decades as an adult! I wouldn't go back to the confusion of my twenties for the whole world!"
I promise you might not notice at first, but over time, you'll start to feel a mindset shift about your age and value!
Want to take it a step further? Read Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown.
This thoughtful and comforting book provides many gems on standing in your own skin and owning your power as a middle-aged woman.
Redefine Your Core Values
If you haven't noticed already, your values as a woman and a human being have likely changed over time. What you found relevant and critically important in your twenties and thirties is no longer exactly the same. Yes, certain core-value themes stay constant throughout our lives as women. Still, suppose my experience says anything about women's collective understanding of the world. In that case, I can say with confidence that your values at forty-three will be different than they were ten or even five years ago.
Side note: If you have yet to sit down and write down your "core values" as a person, then I'm extra excited for you! This is such a critical exercise for any woman seeking to live a purposeful, successful (per your goals), and happy life.
Here's how it works:
Choose a time and place: away from work, family or friends: This is a place be alone with yourself, and a notebook, or your laptop. It can be in your home office, at a coffee shop, park, or anywhere you feel comfortable and at peace.
Create "You" Buckets: Start a document or a new notepage, and title it. My Core Values. Write down the "Buckets" or categories that you plan to fill in. This is a little different for each of us, but here are a few examples for inspiration:
Foundational
Family
Friends
Spirituality
Daily
Health
Mindset
Habits
Visionary
Career
Environmental
Relationships
Here's an example of how one of these might look:
Foundational Value: Family
I believe in putting my children and my spouse first. Therefore, I will weigh all other commitments and obligations based on whether they are good for me and my nuclear family.
Resurrect Your Dreams
I hate to say this to you, but when did you stop thinking that your dreams were possible? When did you start thinking that you're "too old to change course" or the "time has passed to accomplish that goal?"
Newsflash: Martha Stewart didn't become a family name until her mid-forties; Brené Brown was in her mid-forties when she became an overnight sensation based on her TED Talk about The Power of Vulnerability.
Let's reframe what it means to be a woman in our forties. It's not too late; it's just beginning. You now have the wisdom, mindfulness, and freedom to find and embrace your goals and dreams. Isn't that just wonderful?
So, where to start? I bet even as you're reading this, you know there's a dream in your soul that you've either put on the back burner or have given up entirely. Am I right?
Remember your "Core Values" exercise? Take that same Journal back out, or start a new document in your drive for your Goals and Dreams.
These are not things to take lightly. It's not a joke. I truly believe that you can manifest anything in your life – good or bad. So, instead of manifesting the belief that you're "too old," or it's "too late," try dusting your dreams off, and putting them into action!
For more insight on how to create and manifest your dream life, read my post about How to Change Your Life When You're Feeling Stuck.
Level Up Mindfully
Being mindful doesn't mean that you have to become someone you're not. Believe me, I'm still a Type-A overachiever, even after dedicating myself to practicing mindfulness for the past few years. I encourage you to consider how to slow things down and be more purposeful with your thoughts and actions. What's incredible about starting down the path of mindfulness is that there are so many books and tools to help you help yourself!
But it starts with willingness. It begins with honoring yourself and the fact that the busyness of life can become an addiction or chronic source of stress and pain, and if you don't find ways to support yourself with calming and mental support, you will burn out.
So, what is mindful living? And no, I'm not asking you to become a monk and move to a monastery. Here are some of the tools and practices I rotate through on a weekly and monthly basis. In all transparency, I did not begin to focus on becoming more mindful until I turned forty. And now, in my mid-forties, I can't imagine life without these habits and practices.
Give yourself the grace to ease into this if it's a new concept for you. But also, don't knock it 'till you try it!
Meditate—Whether you can set aside ten minutes each day or five minutes twice a week, meditation is the antidote to our hyperconnected and overly stimulated world. I practice meditation for ten minutes each morning before my family rises for the day. But you find your own balance with it!
Journal—I'm a fan of gratitude journaling. I've journaled on and off since I was a teenager, and while journaling in any form can help us cope with stress and anxiety, I've found that keeping a Gratitude Journal has been instrumental in changing my mindset.
Here are a few journals you can purchase to kick off this practice:
Mindful Movement—I love a good HITT or weights workout, but it's just as helpful and beneficial to pair your normal workouts with days where you practice yoga or take a walk outdoors. It's a form of mindfulness practice that's good for your body and your mind!
Gain more insights on adding mindfulness to your life with one of these books:
Aware, by Daniel J. Siegel - A book about becoming mindful and practicing presence through meditation.
I Am Here Now, by the Mindfulness Project - I Am Here Now inspires readers to explore the world with greater curiosity and find moments of mindfulness in everyday life, while unleashing your creativity along the way.
Proactive Health and Wellness
Whether you're a working mom, a busy female entrepreneur, a small or large woman business owner, your health and wellness needs to be a top priority as you enter your mid-forties. I made a shift in the past two year from passive engagement with my wellness, to proactive effort to ensure I'm living the longest, healthiest, and happiest life I can.
Don't wait to discover something about your hormones, thyroid, or your cycle is off before you do something about it. Here are some impactful statistics to help you shift your mindset from passive to proactive about living the healthiest life you can in your forties and beyond, according to Health Advice to Thrive in Your 40s from Cedars Sinai.
The majority of women reach menopause by age fifty-one. Perimenopause statistically starts 3-5 years earlier – in your mid-forties.
Your metabolism slows down in your forties.
Staying active has become more critical than ever.
Okay, now that I've scared you, let's talk about how to take ownership of your health, and be proactive about your overall wellness.
Visit a Naturopath - Look, I'm all for conventional medicine options for many things, but when in comes to the nuances of women's health in their forties, the conventional route often falls way short. When it comes to managing aging, and body changes in thoughtful, minimalistic and lifestyles focused manner, a naturopath is the way to go.
You can find a naturopath near you on the Institute for Natural Medicine website.
Get Unique Bloodwork—This goes hand and hand with establishing care with a naturopath, but you can also request specific bloodwork, or sensitivity testing from your general practitioner. This will help you understand if there are hormonal imbalances, sensitivities, or other issues that you can address and combat within your body.
Start Weightlifting and Walking—Research shows that as women age, weightlifting is one of the most beneficial workouts you can add to your health plan. It improves overall muscle mass, which in turn helps with bone density and long-term health. This pairs well with walking, which benefits your body in a low-impact way and your mental health. I try to alternate days between weightlifting, walking, and pilates.
Sleep and Hydrate—It's no secret that getting enough sleep and staying hydrated go hand in hand and are important at any age. But, as you move through your forties, these two bookends to health become more critical. Read this blog, The Connection Between Sleep and Hydration, for more helpful insights.
If you want to dig deep and gain further insight into how to optimize your health in your forties, check out these valuable resources:
Stages of She Podcast - Listen to a plethora of podcast topics and guests, speaking to a variety of topics, but specifically, there are episodes in every season about health and wellness, with experts.
Grown Women Talk, by Sharon Malone, M.D. - A practical guide to aging and health for women who have felt ignored or marginalized by the medical profession, from a leading OB/GYN and expert on menopausal and post-reproductive health.
Trust Yourself
At the end of the day, more than anything else, I've embraced over the past year how important it is to trust yourself. This is something I've learned over and over again throughout my life, but the difference between now and my past experiences with trust or my lack of it is that this year, I learned how beautiful life can be and the magic that can come from actually implementing radical trust in myself.
Trusting myself has allowed me to grow my business.
Trusting myself has protected my family and helped us thrive.
Trusting myself has helped me steer away from unhealthy relationships and lean into the ones that support me and bring joy.
So, as you close this post and walk away into the rest of your day, as you embrace your own version of being in your mid-forties, I hope that you find confidence, faith in yourself, and the willingness to trust that you know the right thing to do. You know the right path to follow. And you get to decide how wonderful your life can be.
If you're not quite forty-three yet and want to check out a few other insights from previous years, read my posts on:
Let me know how you are embracing your forties in the comments! Love this post? Share it on social and tag @WomanhoodUnwrapped!