Feeling Stuck? 7 Powerful Steps to Change Your Life When You Don’t Know How

Just the word “change” used to make my skin crawl. Alright, who am I kidding? It still does. You have no doubt heard the age-old saying that “nothing is constant but change.” As much as I hate to admit it, I have repeatedly been on the receiving end of this valuable yet challenging and often painful truth over my forty-two, almost forty-three years.

Whether it was discovering that my roommate situation in college was ending, and I needed to find a new place to live, or that my corporate job was no longer functioning for me and my family after having children, or the pandemic in 2020—life is full of that sneaky little thing we call “change.”

But change in your life, whether chosen or forced, doesn’t need to be a panic-inducing occurrence. Over the years, I’ve discovered and received enough mentorship and solid advice to know that with some work and serving of faith, you can accept the changes in your life and move through them to something better on the other side.

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.” ― Angela Y. Davis

So, if you are in a moment of transition and feel unsure of what to do or how to proceed, if you feel paralyzed by the changes in your life, I’m here to help. I’ve been there many times, and here are some things I’ve learned:

1. Clarify What’s Not Working

Let's start by admitting that not knowing what’s next can be downright terrifying. But guess what? It’s also incredibly common. One of the ways we keep ourselves stuck is by refusing to acknowledge or examine what’s not working in our lives. 

I get it; I’ve been guilty of this many times. In the moment, it might seem easier to pretend that the biggest parts of your life – your job, your relationships, and your daily habits – are not the problem. But if you sit down and write out what’s NOT working for you in your life, suddenly, the portion of your life that needs change will become clear.

Action: Take some time away from daily tasks, your work, or distractions like your kids running around, and create two columns on a piece of paper. On the one hand, write down the things in your life that are working. Working because they serve a positive purpose, make you happy, etc. On the other side, write down what’s not working and why. Then, put this list away and let it marinate for a few days before revisiting it.

2. Define What You Can Control

In a sea of chaos, finding your anchor is critical, because no one wants to be a floundering ship lost at sea. 

What aspects of your life can you control? Maybe you can’t control the job market, but you can spruce up your resume or start attending a networking group to help redefine your career. You can’t control the housing market, but perhaps you can reorganize your budget. Start with small, manageable changes that make you feel empowered.

Action: If you’re aiming to move to a new community, you might not be able to control the timing, but you can control your preparation. Start clearing out your home and defining your needs for the move. If you want a new career, start taking a course or attending a networking group in that field. 

3. Insert Some Inspiration

Ever heard the saying, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room"? It's time to find a new room—figuratively speaking.

Surround yourself with books, podcasts, and people who have been through similar changes. Inspiration is contagious, and it’s all around if you’re looking for it.

You can also find inspiration within yourself. I often find that amazing things happen if I take myself out of my own way. Try to find space to be playful and imaginative. Change doesn’t have to be all grit and effort, it can be fun too!

Action: Create a vision board for what you want to change or manifest in your life. Take a night or afternoon, and make the exercise fun by putting on some music and pouring yourself a glass of wine or tea. Hang it in your closet or someplace where it’s not staring at you constantly. Then, at the end of the year, look back and see what’s transpired. I bet you’ll be amazed at how much you’ve changed.

4. Set Bite-Sized Goals

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a new life direction.

Try to remember that setting small, achievable goals that lead you toward the bigger picture will make a tremendous difference in the long run. Want a new career? Start by networking with just one person a week. Trying to change your diet and become a healthier version of yourself? Instead of running to the grocery store and buying a bunch of food you don’t know how to cook and can’t imagine eating, choose one thing a week to add or remove from your diet. If you can break down your goals into bite-sized pieces, eventually, your entire plate of life will change.

Action: At the start of each week, add one item to your to-do list that is directly connected to a goal you’ve defined, or a change you need to make. For example, if you want to move to a new community, a small task could be to spend an hour looking for information on the best neighborhood to live in or going to an open house just to gain more insight.

5. Exercise Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean you will have an immediate mindset change.

I use the word “exercise” because this one can sometimes be easier said than done. The hardest thing to change in our lives is our own self-perception. But berating yourself for feeling stuck only adds to the stress. I truly believe that you can fake it until you make it when it comes to self-love and compassion. 

Action: Celebrate small victories. At the end of each week, write down what you are proud of, and what you have accomplished. This practice will help you forgive yourself for any setbacks.

6. Reconnect to Your Passions

Remember the things that make you tick, the hobbies and interests that bring you joy.

Often, these can be sidelined in life when work, family, or just life circumstances become too overwhelming. Periods of change offer an opportunity to reconnect to who you are and what truly makes you happy. And, reconnecting with your passions can reignite your enthusiasm for life and might even point you toward new paths you hadn’t considered.

Action: Choose one hour (or a few) each week to spend time doing something you are passionate about. It could have nothing to do with your responsibilities or the change you wish to make in your life. That doesn’t matter! It will increase your positive energy, which in return will help you change your life.

7. Take the Plunge

Eventually, you’ll have to jump off the cliff of the old and into the waters of the new.

It might be applying for that job, moving to that new city, or simply deciding to be happy despite the uncertainties. Remember, every big change starts with a decision to try. And trying takes a first step.

Change might be inevitable, but suffering is optional. 

With a little bit of courage and a pinch of commitment, you can navigate through life’s transitions and maybe even end up somewhere better than you planned. It might sound cliche, but I promise you, if you’re unhappy with where you are at, the only way out is to change your life.

So, lace up those metaphorical boots because it’s time to start walking toward your new chapter. And who knows? It might just be your best one yet.

Did this article help you in some way? Let me know in the comments!