Managing Holiday Stress During a Pandemic

It's incredible how much our memories are associated with smells, isn't it? I have always loved the holiday season. I know, I know. It's also a stressful time and a complicated time for many. It can hold disappointments or memories you'd rather forget -- I'm not saying that before 2020, the holidays felt warm, fuzzy, and sparkly for everyone, but I have always LOVED to season and what it stands for in families.

The people who matter most — your people! Photo by @KaleyBrobergPhotography 💗

I attribute my love and appreciation of Thanksgiving and Christmas to my mother. Love you, mom! She always made it feel just a little more magical in our home when I was growing up during this time. It wasn't that we were an extravagant or opulent family -- in fact, behind the scenes, my parents were likely scrambling to gather enough resources to make the family happy and feel well-taken care of, but we kids never felt that strain. At least not during the holiday season. Because we didn't focus on the material or excess that can come with the season. In fact, my mom hated that element of our culture with a passion. She would say, "Thanksgiving isn't about how much food we have, or how many people we have over. It's about gratefulness, being with those you love, and celebrating them," or, "Christmas is about giving, it's not about receiving. If you focus on what you will get, instead of who you are with, and what you want for them, the season is wasted!" 

Maybe it was her way of reminding us girls (me and my two younger sisters) that we likely would only get one gift. And it probably would not be the pony we asked for, but it worked. Even today, it makes me a little sick when I see my children tearing through gifts, asking, "where's the next one." "What if there wasn't a 'next one,'" I want to scream. But instead, we make them stop, look at what they have received, and thank the person who gave it to them before moving on.

I was reminded of my family's tradition of celebrating the holidays this month when new restrictions were enacted to combat the Coronavirus outbreak in Oregon, where we live. "It's like the Governor shut down Thanksgiving!" my husband said one night. And yes, she kinda did.

This time we are all living through right now is unique and unpredictable. We're all fumbling our way through it. But can we agree that we all want to be happy, healthy, and keep those we love safe? Can we maybe surrender to a different holiday season than the norm, but one that can be just as beautiful, special, and filled with joy? Perhaps you'll even create a few new traditions.

Anyhow, in the Gioeli house (my Italian, Danish, German home), our holidays were always about the smell of garlic simmering to make a holiday dish. Each of us crowding into the tiny little kitchen at my mom's, with one counter, to chop, and bump each other, and laugh, and sing Amy Grant Christmas songs at the top of our lungs. It was about the small tree my Dad traipsed into the forest to cut down. "Not the whole tree, because that would kill it!" just the top -- which makes for a lopsided and beautifully humble focal point. 🎄💖

You likely have your own reasons for feeling nostalgic this time of year. It can be hard to decide if you should stay home or go to a gathering. Keep it simple or say f*ck it and gather. We're all struggling with that decision right now. And despite what we DON'T post on social media or DO say to represent ourselves as following all of the guidelines, most of us are make exceptions here and there. It's natural to feel strain and stress about what to do, who to see, and how to navigate this time. Give yourself a break!

I am absolutely as confused and uncertain as you are, but here are a few questions I've been asking myself and my family unit in the hopes of getting through this holiday season with grace, less stress, and maybe a few silver linings. 🙏

Are You Honoring Others?

It's all fine and well to want to approach the holidays this year the way you feel is best but does 'your way' honor those with whom you want to celebrate? One of the biggest lessons I've learned in 2020 is that almost everyone I know has a different feeling about what's safe and a different approach to life right now. Taking personal measures to quell the virus, live our lives, or protect our families, is a bit different for everyone. If you're high-risk, your approach will be different than someone who's not. If you've lost someone in the last six months, your feelings may have changed. If you think this is all a big hoax (yes, I know y'all are out there), your plan will be different as well. 

We live in a country that is not consistently handling this virus in the same way across the board, and therefore we all have a lot of leeway to make our own choices. But are your choices affecting others? Make sure you're honoring those around you.

Are You Honoring Yourself?

There's a lot of judgment and pressure floating around right now. From my perspective, there are two principal factions -- those who feel we should be taking more robust measures to restrict and quell the Coronavirus and those who think this isn't as big of a deal as it's being made out to be. Read this article from the New York Times about the C.D.C.'s recommendations for the Thanksgiving holiday. Regardless of others' viewpoints (and there are a lot of them), what do you feel is the right thing to do at the holidays in this unprecedented time? It's not too late to change your plan or your mind!

If you are fearful for your health or the health of someone else in your family, that's a gut feeling you should listen to.

If you feel that being together is more important than not, what can you do to make your get-together safe and comfortable for everyone involved?

Here are some suggestions from Today about celebrating your Thanksgiving or Christmas safely with others during this time.

What Can You NOT Do?

A silver lining related to the whole situation with the pandemic is that the recommendations naturally simplify things. Right?! But knowing and accepting what you cannot do, either for your health or mental wellbeing, is critical right now. Maybe it's not traveling out of state this year or keeping your celebrations limited to those who live in your household, instead of the 16-person celebration you usually host and stress out about every year.

Think about it: This is your opportunity to let go! Let the holidays this year be more straightforward, more intimate, and maybe, just maybe a little less stressful. You can kindly say, "No, I cannot do that," and everyone -- at least for 2020 -- will understand! 👏

Here's a timely article from Vice about how to talk with your family about your decision.

What CAN You Do?

I can't remember who said this, so if it was you, let me know! I read or heard someone say recently, "It's like everyone thinks this pandemic only has two sides; those who are mask-wearing, restriction-loving radical liberals, and those who are anti-mask, gun-toting, crazy conservatives. But there's a ton of grey area in between those two realities." This really resonated with me! Is there something you CAN do to participate in your annual holiday get-togethers in some way? Maybe it's not ideal, or what you are completely excited about, but can you do something?

It could be a happy hour in the park, or present opening on the front porch with masks, or a Zoom event. Just because it feels like the holidays just got shut down doesn't mean you can't find a way to connect with your family and friends in a new and creative way. 

Can Simple be Sufficient?

It's easy to get hung up on how to please everyone. "Should we Zoom, eat outside," etc., etc., etc. But as is said in business strategy, the simplest solution is usually the best one -- I think I paraphrased that. 😜Anyway, this year, I plan to take a queue from the holiday ideology with which I was raised -- to appreciate and keep our lives as they are and keep plans as simple as possible. 

I hope you can find a way to do the same and maybe find yourself enjoying the silver linings of this moment despite the obvious hindrances and inconveniences.

Let me know how you're celebrating the holidays in the comments!

XOXO

EM 💜