The Biggest Life Lessons We've Learned in Our 20s, 30s and 40s
Our team sat down to reflect on the lessons we've learned so far and the advice we'd give our younger selves. Every decade brings its own challenges, milestones and unexpected twists, and while no one has all the answers, looking back often gives you a whole new perspective.
From careers and relationships to confidence, body image and taking chances, these are the lessons that have stuck with us the most. Whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond, we hope these insights remind you that everyone is figuring it out as they go, and that every stage of life has something valuable to teach you.
Meet the team as we sit down to share the biggest lessons we've learned so far.
For your 20s…
What is one thing women in their 20s spend too much time worrying about?
Lauren: Having the rest of your life planned out. There's a lot of pressure in your 20s to have found your career, to get married, etc. Your 20s are like the dressing room of your life. It's the time when you try things on to see what you like and what you don't, say yes to different job opportunities, build relationships, move to a new city, and just enjoy life while also beginning to carve a path that feels authentic to YOU, not what the world says you should do.
Holly: Body image. In a world that's been taken over by social media, we're constantly being told we need to look a certain way—be skinnier, wear this, shave that... the list is endless. The truth is, the happier you are in your own skin, the more you'll enjoy life. Confidence doesn't come from meeting someone else's standards; it comes from accepting yourself. And if people don't like you for who you are, they were never meant to be part of your life in the first place.
How do you handle feeling behind when everyone else seems to have life figured out?
Lauren: I have to constantly remind myself that everyone has their own timeline. Comparison is the thief of joy. When I look back at all of the previous situations where I felt behind or missing out, I realized I was so glad that I stuck to my own path because it gave me advantages that not everyone else had the privilege of (ex: being single gave me the flexibility to move where I wanted after college when all of my friends were getting married).
Holly: One thing I always come back to is that people only let you see the parts of their lives they want to share. It's so easy to compare yourself to someone who looks like they've got everything sorted, but the truth is, you never really know what they're dealing with behind closed doors. I also really believe that everything happens for a reason. So, if this is where I am in life right now, then I'm trusting that it's leading me somewhere I'm meant to be.
What advice would you give a woman who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life yet?
Lauren: Say yes to everything! Try on different hats and explore. It can be easy to get stuck in analysis paralysis because there are so many options, but just start somewhere, even if it's small. Make a list of all your natural strengths and innate passions/interests. From there, start thinking of paths that align with those. If you have the ability, traveling is a great way to shift and expand your perspective and recenter your thoughts.
Holly: Just do it. Life's too short to spend your time asking, "Should I do this?" or "What if?" Say yes to the opportunities that excite you. Go travelling, explore new places, step outside your comfort zone, and try new things. You never know where those experiences might lead or how much they could change your life.
What do women need to know about friendships during this decade?
Lauren: Don't hold on to friendships that no longer serve you. As beautiful as lifelong friendships are, not all of them are meant to be, and that's okay. Some friendships exist for a season to help you grow, teach you a lesson, or meet you where you're at then. Making friends can be hard in your 20s, so put yourself out there and don't be afraid to reach out to that person you've been wanting to talk to. You never know where a single conversation might lead!
Holly: Never choose a boy over your friends. Relationships can come and go, but true friends are the people who are there through every chapter of your life.
What is the best investment a woman can make in herself in her 20s?
Lauren: Yourself! Whether it's education, a trip, a move, or a career, if it's getting you closer to your goals and the vision you have for your future, then do it!
Holly: Yourself. Always choose you. Whether it's investing in your career, treating yourself to a haircut, or simply making time for yourself, don't forget that you matter too. The more you invest in yourself, the more you'll grow into the person you're meant to be.
If you could give your 25-year-old self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Lauren: Trust the process. Surrender your plans and know that all things are worked out for your good, even if they don't make sense at the time. Trust your gut even when others don't understand the decisions you're making. You know yourself best!
Holly: Everything happens for a reason. It can be really hard to believe that when things don't go your way, but I've learned that sometimes what's meant for you comes after a disappointment. The job I didn't get gave me the chance to apply for another one that came with a higher salary and was an even better fit. Just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean something better isn't on its way.
For your 30s…
What's one lesson you wish you'd learned earlier in your 30s?
Lis: I wish I had learned earlier in my 30s that being busy and being fulfilled are not the same thing, and in fact can be contradictory to each other.
What should women stop apologizing for in their 30s?
Lis: Really, unless you’ve made an egregious error or hurt someone in some way, you should make it a goal to stop apologizing in general. But, with that in mind, here are a few things I wish I would’ve stopped apologizing in my 30s for:
Things I needed and wanted to do with my kids
Being busy or needing more time
Self-care, and time away from work
Not being able to accommodate someone else's schedule
How do you know when it's time to let go of a friendship, relationship, or commitment that no longer fits?
Lis: This is a tough question, because relationships go through ebbs and flows for sure, but if you find yourself constantly feeling bad, or generally icky around a person, it’s definitely time to reevaluate your relationship. Whether that means less time together or ending a relationship altogether, only time will tell.
What's the biggest mistake women make when trying to "do it all"?
Lis: I think the biggest mistake women make when they are growing in their career, and also working to grow personally (whether it be starting a family, or something else), is to get caught up in saying yes to anything and everything that seems to fall into the “benefits” category for their career or life, without prioritizing some things over others, and without thinking about whether or not the “doing of it all” is actually going to benefit their business or their life.
What advice would you give a woman balancing motherhood and her own ambitions?
Lis: First, you need to decide how much you need, and then want to be involved in every element of your children’s lives – and sometimes this can take a few years of being a mom to figure out. Do you want to be at every field trip, pick up and milestone? Or, do you feel that your time is better spent at work while a qualified caregiver takes care of most of the day-to-day needs?
Second, what brings you joy as a mother who also has a career needs to be the priority. There is no right way to be a loving and fulfilled working mom. Whether you hire a full-time nanny, have someone else do the day-to-day stuff for the family, or do it yourself, as long as you are present and attentive to your children’s (and your own) needs when you are available, everything will be okay. But don’t let someone else, or some part of your career, dictate how involved or present you can be.
How should women think about their careers during this decade?
Lis: I wish more women thought of their careers in terms of what actually makes them happy in real life, not on paper. Granted, in some instances, women need to surrender to a particular job or career for a period of time, because they are the sole breadwinner, or solely responsible for their own financial wellbeing, but even when this is the case, there’s so much more most women can do to make sure they are not just taking orders, and taking the hand that was given to them without input or direction.
What's something women often discover about themselves in their 30s that surprises them?
Lis: At least for me, in my 30s I discovered that the woman, wife, mother and business owner that I thought I wanted to be, was not in fact who I was or what I wanted. I wanted to be a working mom who could still be there to support my kids in their day-to-day needs, but I had to significantly change my work and life to get to the goal of having both a business and being a mom.
How do you handle the pressure to have everything figured out?
Lis: I frankly just don’t. One of the best lessons I learned in my late 30s was that no one has it all figured out, and the best thing you can do is to pretend you do when you don’t
What financial lesson do you wish more women understood sooner?
Lis: Having your own financial autonomy is as important to your life-long happiness as finding the right partner.
What is something you wish women worried less about during this decade?
Lis: I wish I had worried way, way less about what other people think, and made decisions based on my instinct, needs, and desires.
What role should boundaries play in your 30s?
Lis: Each person is different, but really, I didn’t even start setting boundaries until my mid-to-late 30s, and let me tell you, I wish I would’ve figured out how critical boundary setting is much sooner than that. Here are the areas I feel are critical to create boundaries around in your 30s:
Your relationship with work - How available are you? When do you take off time? Do you really sign out? Are you able to ask for what you need and want? If not, why not?
Your relationship with your partner - Do you feel like you’re in a partnership? How do you communicate when it gets tough? Do you respect each other and your goals?
Your relationship with your children - How do you want them to be raised? Do you feel supported by the people around them? Are there things that need to shift to better take care of your children and yourself?
Your relationship with friends and extended family - Is your relationship with these people empowering or draining? How much access and accountability do these relationships have over your life?
What advice would you give a woman who feels stuck or disconnected from herself?
Lis: I hate to be the bearer of hard news, but if you feel disconnected from yourself, it’s because you’re on the wrong path. Whether it’s the wrong path in a relationship, in your job, or with your lifestyle, being disconnected means that a thread to the core of who you are has been broken. The only way to get it back is to discover the sources of the break and make the changes necessary to remove or adjust that piece in your life.
For your 40s…
What's the biggest mindset shift that happens in your 40s?
Lis: I stopped caring about how everyone says “it should be done” and started doing life, business and family the way that felt good to my core values.
What do women finally stop caring about in this decade?
Lis: Keeping up with the Johnsons, and creating a life that only looks good on paper.
What advice would you give a woman entering her 40s feeling nervous about ageing?
Lis: It’s better to be healthy than to look healthy. Talk to a naturopath. Keep the beauty and aesthetics treatments minimal. Live your life! It’s short.
How does your definition of success change in your 40s?
Lis: In my forties, the definition of success had gone from focusing on gaining external credit (on social media, from peers, etc), to feeling confident in my role and fulfilled in my life. In my 30s, everything felt like it needed to be bigger and flashier to be considered successful. Now, I couldn't care less about what other people think. As long as I’m happy, healthy and challenged in a positive way, that is success.
What's something you've learned about resilience that you couldn't have understood earlier in life?
Lis: This question is close to my heart because I was diagnosed with cancer last year. What I’ve learned through treatment, and the uncertainty of such a life-changing diagnosis, is that resilience is often misunderstood. It is not, pushing harder, longer and with force. The reality is that things that are meant to be will work out. With effort, yes. But there’s a difference between putting in the effort and beating your head against a wall. Resilience is the ability and willingness to keep trying, but not to force things in your life or career that are not flowing in any way.
What relationships become more important in your 40s—and which become less important?
Lis: In your forties, there’s a lot of cleaning house that occurs. Mine stemmed from my cancer diagnosis, but I think most women in their forties learn to let go of people and relationships that are draining or damaging. The most important relationships I’ve learned since I entered my forties are the ones where there’s mutual respect, trust, honesty and joy. Women, in particular, spend so much time trying to please others. It wasn’t until I was hit with a life-threatening disease that I realized, always being a giver is not something a person can sustain when the sh*t hits the fan. It’s critical to have people in your life who really care about you — but not just that. The best friends and family also, unapologetically, take care of themselves first.
What advice would you give a woman whose life isn't turning out the way she planned?
Lis: Oh, wow. This is a loaded question. Here’s the thing: no matter what you do, there are going to be moments when life isn’t going the way you wanted or expected. That is just life. If you find yourself in a moment like that now, here’s what I recommend.
Audit what you have control over in your life versus what you don’t.
Decide if you can shift certain aspects of your life simply to adjust your feelings of dissatisfaction.
If not, make the big change that you know needs to happen — because at the end of the day, we each know in our heart what is making us unhappy. Leave the job, have the tough conversation, make the move. Or don’t, but nothing will change if you don’t change it.
How do you find joy during difficult seasons?
Lis: By focusing on the day-to-day moments, instead of the big picture. There is beauty and joy in every day. It doesn’t mean there aren’t bad moments, but if you zoom in, there’s always a lot to be gained in the moment.
What should women prioritize more in their 40s?
Lis: Prioritize your health! You get one life and one body. Your forties are where everything starts shifting, and either continuing to sustain your lifestyle or breaking down. Don’t ignore symptoms of fatigue, stress and pain. You can do a lot more to support yourself and your body if you have data and a plan, versus crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.
What should women prioritize less?
Lis: Just stop worrying about what other people will think of you. Period.
What's one truth about health and wellness you wish more women understood?
Lis: Every woman’s body is different. There is not a one-size-fits all approach to health that you can follow. Take your health and wellness seriously, but find the path that works for you, not some celebrity or friend. And please! Get a couple of good practitioners in your life before doing anything drastic.
What does confidence look like in your 40s compared to your 20s?
Lis: In your 20s, confidence is all about how you look—physically and in the eyes of others. In your forties, a beautiful thing happens; if you’re being true to yourself, your confidence starts to stem from your experiences and interpersonal relationships. The joy in life is that the more you age and the more you grow, the greater your confidence becomes. So it’s a celebration, not a disappointment, when you’re given the gift of ageing and gaining confidence in yourself.
What have you learned about asking for help?
Lis: Look, I may not be the most conventional example here. I do think asking for help and allowing others to support you is critical to a healthy life. That being said, I also fully believe that there can sometimes be more freedom and peace in doing things your way and by yourself. Each phase and situation helps dictate whether or not external help is necessarily, well, helpful. But don’t just accept help because you feel obligated or think it’s the right thing to do.
What advice would you give women about protecting their peace?
Lis: Pay attention to the energy-suckers in your life, and minimize their power over you as much as possible. These energy-zappers might be people, a job, where you are living, or even your workout routine. If it’s draining you more than it’s enriching you, minimize it as quickly and unapologetically as possible.
If you could sit down with your 30-year-old self, what would you tell her?
Enjoy your time with your kiddos while they are little
It will all still be there tomorrow, there’s no rush
What looks good on paper doesn’t always feel good in real life
Health is not on the outside; it starts within
Don’t wait to start living your dreams, because you don’t know how much time you have
If there's one thing we've all learned, it's that no one has life completely figured out. Every decade comes with its own challenges, opportunities and lessons, and there's no single "right" way to navigate them. The mistakes you make, the risks you take and even the setbacks you face all help shape the person you become.
What is the biggest lesson you have learnt? Let us know in the comments!
