Small Steps to Stay Calm and Centered During the Holidays
Well, it's only the beginning of December, and I'm already feeling the pressure coming in at me from all sides to create the ideal holiday for my children, get the Christmas cards out, recover from traveling for Thanksgiving, which was only two weeks ago, plan Christmas dinner, attend a few holiday parties, etc, etc, etc. Are you exhausted just hearing this? Are you feeling the same way?
While each year I am genuinely excited about the holiday season, the lights, the moments where my children “ooh” and “aah,” the baking and cooking; the stress and strain of it all start to weigh on me and wear me down well before the season is over.
It's not just the actual tasks I hope to accomplish in order to create the ultimate season of magic for my family; it's also the chore of balancing my business and work responsibilities, client gifts, end-of-year planning and reflection (read the WU post on Refecting before Moving Forward with Resolutions for more on this), and navigating the dynamics of engaging or spending time with extended family. And on and on.
So, this season, I'm taking my own advice and striving for something more akin to holiday cheer and less like holiday fear and loathing. Doesn't that sound A M A Z I N G?!
As a mompreneur and woman business owner, it's critical to not only show up for the important stuff—your team, your clients, and your network—but also prioritize rest and restoration so that you don't burn the Christmas candle at both ends until it burns out. That sounds like an impossible goal at this time of year. Am I right?
Here's the thing: you can indeed have it all! The holiday spirit and fun, along with managing holiday expectations and planning. Here's how!
The Power of Setting Realistic Holiday Expectations
It was the week before Thanksgiving, and we were traveling for the holiday. I knew that I had limited time to get some of the traditions kicked off that we prioritize in our little family of four – for example, each year, we get a holiday advent calendar – but with the plane booking and meal planning away from our home, rental car, and house, things just fell off my radar. By the time we returned home, I'd launched full-board into gifting and decorating. That's when, one morning in early December, rushing out the door for school, my son asked, "Mom, when are our advent calendars coming?"
I couldn't believe it; I had totally forgotten to order the calendars.
After berating myself and scrambling for some reasoning that would make sense to a nine-year-old, it came to me: I had not been setting realistic expectations for myself, my children, or my extended family. One of the traditions I love the most has been pushed aside for things not filled with joy.
As you navigate the inevitable expectations and responsibilities of this holiday season, take a moment every day to assess whether the expectations you are placing on yourself or having thrust on you by others are realistic and necessary.
Micro-Moments of Seasonal Self-Care
Remember that self-care during the holiday season is not selfish. In fact, it is essential, even if it's as simple as stealing a bar of chocolate from the stocking stockpile – shh, nobody saw.
Ground yourself in the knowledge that the spirit of this season is not about more, more, more, but perhaps focusing on the little things that can bring your back to the present moment.
Here's a short list of practices that help me during high-stress moments that don't require a ton of extra effort or commitment:
10-Minute Meditation, or Deep Breathing - If you're feeling overwhelmed or want to tackle the overwhelm before it even begins, try a daily meditation. Or, if that's to much commitment, just focus on a deep breathing exercise while you're in the car, washing dishes, or wrapping those dozens of gifts. Here are a few breathing exercises that work to immediately reduce stress:
5-4-3-2-1 Breathing Exercise - While breathing in and out slowly, count five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, and two things you smell. Repeat until your anxiety or stress subsides.
Navy Seal Breathing Technique - Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, then repeat.
The Rose Meditation - I absolutely love this Rose meditation from Janet Rae Orth, an intuitive and psychic medium. It is one of the quickest ways I am able to re-ground and re-boot in times of dysregulation.
How to Feel at Peace with Saying "No"
Your time is valuable and worth protecting. Let me say that in a different way: time is one of the few things you can never get back. And if you don't protect yourself and your needs by valuing your own time, you will end up wasted—wasting away from stress and overcommitments, feeling wasteful because you didn't focus on what really matters to you, and full of wishes that things would have been more in line with your needs or desires.
Reformatting your experience during this season starts with getting clear and comfortable with saying "no."
"No, I will not attend another holiday party with people I don't care about or know."
"No, I will not drag my family to Timbuktu so that Aunt Rita can stuff her disgusting fruitcake down our throats while we all gag."
"No, we will not do Christmas Eve or Christmas Day your way; we're going to do it our way this year."
Have I covered some of the big bases? At this time of year, you have to ask yourself the following questions before saying "yes" to anything connected to internal conflict.
Will I, or my family enjoy this? Genuinely, not just because you feel obligated to "enjoy it."
Will my being part of this or doing this make the season better or even be appreciated? Often, we think our presence or action is necessary for someone else's happiness, but most of the time, it is not, and the world will keep moving regardless.
Do I need to be involved, or can someone else do this? You don't have to be the bearer of all tasks and gifts! Let someone else step in if you can.
Does this event, commitment, task, or action actually bring me pain or trigger memories of past trauma? For many of us, the holiday season is a mixed bag. Your mental well-being is more important than an expectation or perceived obligation.
Make a List and Check it Twice - Is saying "no" difficult for you to do? Believe me, I get it. As a people pleaser, the hardest thing for me to do is say "no." If the act of declining to do something causes you anxiety and stress in itself, I highly recommend writing out a list of "want to dos" and "need to dos" for the season. Be critical of your list, and make sure there's nothing on it that can be removed. Anything that is not on the list gets cut. If you know this is the plan in advance, it will be much easier to say "no," promise.
Write a Script and Recite - You can also write out a script that you will use to decline an invitation or task that you need to remove from your plate. This is particularly important with difficult family members because it's easy to be bombarded with guilt and resort to saying "yes" when you intend to do the opposite. Practice your script before texting or calling to decline.
Simplify Gift Giving and Traditions
One of my favorite holiday traditions is making Christmas cookies and delivering them to friends and neighbors. In theory, this is a fun family activity that the kids enjoy and I adore, but some years it's just too much. So, suppose a close friend invites us to decorate cookies at their home after feeling a little guilty that we haven't planned for our typical cookie-making tradition. In that case, I've learned to realize this is a gift! They can still decorate and have fun, and I can focus on something else special.
Maybe this year, take a look at what you can simplify with your holiday plans and what you might be able to let go of, at least for this year. Here are a few ideas:
Simplify gift giving - have everyone pick secret Santas, focus on a gifting budget, or just agree to send cards this year!
Reduce traditions - Things change over time. Perhaps you don't need to go caroling in 10-degree weather this year or search every store for the special eggnog nobody actually likes to drink.
Remember, your worth is not measured by how many stressed-out, poorly executed traditions and gifts you can cram in.
The Magic of Small Restorative Merry Moments
When I reflect on the holidays after the fact, the moments that stick with me and create, the best memories are the ones that were small and unexpected or peaceful and restorative.
Edna Ferber said, "Christmas isn't a season, it's a feeling." And what do you want that feeling to be? Exhausted, stressed out, and overcommitted, or grateful, joyful, and at peace?
It starts with remembering to savor the small moments. The moments when you're driving through the neighborhood admiring the lights with your kiddos all wrapped up in the backseat. The moments when a friend tells you they appreciate you and gives you an unexpected gift. The moments when you're sitting around watching your favorite holiday movie with a warm drink and bowl of popcorn.
I hope you find the special place this season between magical memory-making and peaceful moments so that you can enjoy a stress-free holiday season. You've got this. 🥰
Need a little extra inspiration for stress-free gifting?
Don't forget to check out the Womanhood Unwrapped Holiday Gift Guide for curated picks for every woman on your list.
