Looking Back to Move Forward: Conducting a Self-Review to Shape Your Best Year
Everyone gets super excited about the new year. “New year, new you,” and I get it. But what about starting to reset before the year ends? Is that not something to consider?
Whether you’re a busy mompreneur, a woman business leader, a college student, or a career mom, take the time to reflect on what’s worth bringing into the new year before you launch into planning those ambitious goals like working out at 5am every day (welp!), can be essential to actually leveraging your accomplishments, aspirations, and dreams into a reality.
After years of getting it wrong, this serial mompreneur and podcast host is here to tell you a key lesson in the life of a busy woman: You will be way more effective, successful, and satisfied in life if you take moments of transition (like the end of one year, before moving into the next), to pause and reflect before jumping on board the plane of planning, setting resolutions, and goals, and launching off into the sunrise without checking your past-history fuel tanks – because let’s face it, you’re not jetting off anywhere with empty tanks.
That’s why I’ve created this step-by-step guide to conducting your personal self-review. It will help you reset, level-set, and appreciate your accomplishments, which will fuel you before you crush those ambitious goals in the new year and truly turn this into the best year of your life.
Why You Need a Self-Review Before Those New Year’s Resolutions
Looking back before leaping forward
Looking back before leaping forward has more benefits than you might initially expect. I know it’s hard for the overachieving woman to reflect and pause. I totally understand, believe me. I spent years just plowing through and forward without the practice of looking back. And you know what, I’d often continue making the same mistake or pushing myself too hard in the same way because I didn’t take the time to assess what was working and what wasn't. Here are some of the benefits of an annual self-review:
What Actually Mattered - Looking back at what you set out to do over the past twelve months is one of the best ways to remind yourself of what mattered or worked. I’m sure some things stuck, like your promise to do yoga twice a week, and some things didn’t, like the goal of not sleeping with your phone next to the bed – these are just examples, but you get the point.
Pinpoint Patterns - As I’m sure you’ve discovered about yourself, there are habits or patterns you fall into over the course of a year. Some of these patterns are positive and propel you forward, and others hold you back. Looking back allows you to pinpoint which things you need to work on and what’s working for you already and needs to become a staple of your life.
Acknowledging Your Accomplishments - The standard practice in society (at least in the US) is to check things off the list and move on. This tendency prevents you from patting yourself on the back and acknowledging what you’ve done. This is by far my favorite part of an annual self-review. Acknowledging how far you’ve come isn’t just an ego boost. When you sit down and list off what you set out to do (big and small) and what you succeeded at doing over the past twelve months, you’ll be utterly amazed. I promise!
Power up with an emotional detox
It might seem counterintuitive, especially in our culture of toxic positivity, but in order to free up mental space to assess yourself accurately, you may need to start by acknowledging what’s weighing you down.
This is as simple as pulling out a blank piece of paper or opening a blank doc on your computer and just doing what I like to call “word-vomiting” your laundry list of challenges, grievances, fears, and concerns about where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going. Then, take that paper or document and trash it.
Check, mate. Move on.
Now, you’re ready for a real self-review. Here’s my roadmap for making the most of your assessment so that you can truly benefit from the insights and information.
Step 1: Schedule a "Me, Myself, and I" Session
Schedule a Block Out Time
Think of it like a hot date with your favorite show. Put a time block on your calendar, and don’t ghost yourself. This will force you to sit down and focus on what’s next. If you don’t schedule it out, I promise you’re not going to show up, and that’s a bummer for you!
Set the mood
Sometimes, getting in the right headspace for deep work on yourself is as simple as setting the mood. Find a clean and calm space to set up, light a candle (if that’s your jam), put on your cozy socks, and break out the fancy tea—or, let’s be real, pour yourself a glass of wine.
Grab your favorite tools
Set yourself up so that everything you might need for your scheduled time block is around you! It’s a lot harder to get up and get distracted by the dirty kitchen, checking the mail, checking Instagram – yep, you know you’re thinking about it, when you have your journal, pen, and maybe some snacks (brain food, am I right?), around you already.
Step 2: Reflect on the Past Year with These Juicy Prompts
Celebrate the wins (big and small)
What did you totally nail this year? (Yes, remembering to water your plants counts.)
What moments made you do a happy dance?
Face the flops (with love)
What went sideways despite your best intentions? Professionally? Personally?
How did you handle those “oops” moments?
What did you learn from these flops, or sideways moments?
Personal growth check-in
How did you level up emotionally, professionally, or personally?
Which habits were keepers, and which ones are getting kicked to the curb?
Relationship review
Who were your ride-or-dies this year?
How did your relationships evolve (or implode)?
What needs to change in your personal relationships?
Step 3: Connect the Dots and Spot the Trends
Find the common threads
Take a peak at what you’ve written, do you see any commonalities. Are you stuck in a Groundhog Day loop of the same challenges? Did a specific setting, situation, person, or practice produce better results? Or, perhaps a new theme emerged? When you can pinpoint the common threads of where and how you stumbled or thrived as part of this annual reflection, you’ll find that you can better understand and set more effective personal growth strategies as you move into planning for the new year. It’s like a puzzle that just needs a few key pieces to be found to complete a full picture!
Hidden superpowers or kryptonite?
On a deeper level, these common threads or trends will give you key insight into what in your life, or habits, makes you super and powerful and which things are your form of kryptonite.
What do these patterns reveal about your hidden superpowers—or kryptonite?
Are there habits, settings, or people in your life that you need to reevaluate to create more space for the super-you to flourish?
Step 4: Ditch What’s Draining You
Time for a mental spring cleaning
Release any regrets or self-criticism you’ve been dragging around like old luggage. As much as you might rely on a self-evaluation to assess where you’re at to move forward, self-criticism is not the same thing and will end up leaving you feeling perplexed, depressed, and unable to move forward. Before fully embracing your self-evaluation, take a moment to clear the self-criticism that’s been weighing you down!
Here are a few ways you can help yourself show yourself a little love without resorting to criticism:
Set up a criticism jar - add a note about something you like about yourself or are proud of every time you catch yourself in self-criticism mode.
Use your breath - there are proven breathing exercises that will release and relieve you of anxiety and stress – and, bonus, these exercises also combat self-criticism. Read this article from Healthline about 10 Breathing Exercises to Try When You’re Feeling Stressed.
Use a distraction - I’m a big fan of forcing myself to think about something that’s neutral when I start down a self-criticism black hole. You can name every color you can think of, or 20 foods in a particular group (ex: breakfast foods), or play a game of “I Spy” with yourself if you’re driving. It is incredible how quickly you’ll notice the criticism subside with this technique.
Clear out the toxins
If you’ve started to work on how you can move through and beyond self-criticism, it’s time to focus on the toxic and detrimental elements of your life that might be holding you back. What toxic habits, people, or mindsets need to hit the road? (Hint: It’s okay to Marie Kondo your calendar, too.)
Do you tend to procrastinate until projects or deadlines loom, causing you to constantly live in an unnecessary stress cycle?
Is there someone (or someone’s) in your life that constantly makes you feel unworthy or less than when you’re with them?
List these things, habits, and people that might negatively affect you and your genius on a daily basis. Because you can’t fix a problem if you don’t first know where the problem lies.
Step 5: Set Fresh Intentions for the New Year (Goodbye, Vague Resolutions)
Focus on a few key life zones
Everyone knows a person who’s constantly making grandiose plans and scheming outrageous ventures, only to lose interest or motivation as soon as the going gets a little tricky. In part, this is because most people don’t have the confidence or motivation to stick with executing their dreams. Still, an equally relevant piece of this lack-of-follow-through puzzle is that most people get inspired. Instead of picking a few key things or “zones” to work on, they try and take it all on at once – which, as you can imagine, is overwhelming and quickly leads to feelings of discouragement and apathy. Instead of trying to change everything, choose 3-5 focus areas in your life to work on based on your freshly minted annual self-review.
Here’s an example of what this could look like:
Growing my business
Getting my body healthy
Taking better care of myself
Get specific
Turn your intentions into bite-sized, actionable steps (like “schedule one friend date a month” instead of “be more social”).
Growing my business - Instead of just operating off of this blanket statement focus in on one zone. I will focus on prospecting more in the new year.
How many hours per week?
Who do you want to target?
Getting my body healthy- Maybe just focus on the “diet” zone. I will eat two clean, and low calories meals a day.
Can you also reward yourself each week for what you accomplished?
Taking better care of myself - Are there some ways you can do this daily, weekly, and monthly?
I’ll drink a cup of water before I have my coffee each day.
I will meditate for 5 minutes three days a week.
I’ll take a long walk once a week.
Choose a guiding word or mantra for the year
Look, I know that the idea of a mantra seems super intangible. Maybe you don’t think you need something like that to be more powerful and effective in your work, family, and life, but let me tell you a secret. Those who believe do. And those who don’t, don’t. Words have magic power, even if it’s just to remind yourself of what you are striving to accomplish.
So, go ahead, take the leap, and choose a guiding word or mantra for your new year. You can post it on a sticky note in your bathroom, add it as a daily reminder to your calendar, write it daily in your journal – wherever you will see it, and internalize it over the next twelve months.
Pro Tip: Choose a guiding word or mantra that is simple and easy to remember. If it’s a word, something like “simplify,” “balance,” or “chase joy.” If it’s a phrase, write something like, “I will allow myself to be seen,” “My life is full of love, health, and balance,” or “I choose myself and my family first.”
Wrapping It Up with a Bow
Now you know the secret recipe to reflect, release and reset so that you can avoid dragging last year’s baggage into your new year. Even if you didn’t accomplish everything you hoped to this year, I guarantee you, there’s a lot to be proud of right now; am I right?
And most importantly, remember that progress > perfection.
Get started today so you can own your life right now and elevate your year tomorrow and beyond.
