When Is the Right Time to Have Kids?
By Holly Presswell
As a woman, there comes a certain time in your life when people start to ask you, “When are you going to start having kids?”
For me, it started after I’d been in a relationship for a few years. I’d tell people we had been together for over 3 years, and it was often met with “Gosh, that’s a long time. When are you starting a family?”
It’s now been 6 years. I am still asked the same question, and I’m still answering with “Maybe in a couple of years, it’s just not the right time.” But, to be honest, I don’t know when the right time is.
Rewind a few decades, and it was considered “ideal” and “common” to have children in your early twenties.
Data from the Office of National Statistics reveals that those born in 1978, on average, have one child by the time they reach 31. For their mothers' generation, this occurred by the age of 26. But times have changed. For girls born in 2025, you are projected to have one child by the time you are 36.
You don’t need to be married. Science has allowed us to have children safely later in life. You don’t even need a man in your life anymore. So, is there truly a right time anymore?
When is the Right Time for Me?
They say being a mother is like nothing else; the love you feel for your child is different. You would do anything for them. Is it selfish of me to say that I want to live my life before I bring a child into the world? I know they say having children is the best thing that will ever happen to you, and I don’t doubt it, but I don’t think I am ready to give up my freedom. I want to lie in bed till 10 am, take spontaneous trips, or dance the night away in the clubs for a few more years.
I want to live my life to the fullest before I have to settle down and start a family. But how do I know when I have achieved enough to make me content? Will I always want just a little bit more? One more lie in, one last night out, or one last holiday.
Then there is the self-doubt. Am I good enough to be a mother? Do I have what it takes to raise a child? I’ve heard the tales of mothers not sleeping more than a couple of hours for days on end. Yet, they have the power to carry on with their lives. Do I have that inside of me?
And then there is the constant ticking of my body’s clock. A forever reminder that I don’t have all the time in the world. Every time I leave it just “a few years”, am I weakening my chances of a healthy, happy baby?
But despite the self-doubt swarming through me, nothing, and I mean nothing, brings a smile to my face more than picturing a mini me running around.
Allowing Myself to Dream
I was one of the lucky ones. My childhood was special, full of love, friends, and family. Evenings spent around the dinner table, eating, laughing, or playing games. Weekends spent exploring. I want to give someone that childhood. Someone to share the bedtime stories that my parents read to me. Someone to take to the places where I spent my childhood, so they can enjoy them just like I did. Someone to give the love and confidence to so they know that they hold the power to do anything they want. If I start to daydream about it, I begin to feel that love inside me for a human being that doesn’t even exist. Is that even possible?
So, maybe there isn’t “a right” time. Nothing can prepare me for what motherhood will be. No amount of books or podcasts will equip me for what I am going to feel. So, maybe there isn’t a definite right time on paper. It’s different for everyone. No one is going to come to my door announcing that the time is now. It might be planned, or it may come as a surprise, but the right time will happen.
If you’re reading this with the same questions circling in your head: feeling unsure, undecided, or maybe relieved that someone has said this outloud, you’re not alone. If nothing else, writing this is my way of admitting that I don’t have the answers yet, and that’s okay.
But you don’t need to have all the answers yet, either. Not knowing doesn’t mean we are lost: it just means we are figuring it out. We are allowed to feel these things. We are allowed to live the life we want before bringing new life into the world. Our time will come.
About the Author:
Holly Presswell is a copywriter and freelance journalist specialising in lifestyle, culture and entertainment. After completing her degree in Publishing and Journalism, she’s been navigating the realities of adulthood and writing about them along the way, normalising the fact that life doesn’t always unfold as expected. When she’s not working, Holly can usually be found outdoors or training for her first triathlon (because nothing says figuring out your twenties quite like signing up for an endurance event).
Find her on LinkedIn.
