How to Become a Woman Who Leads Instead of Follows
In today’s society, it may feel as though women leaders are visibly thriving and showcasing their talents. While this is partially true, it is crucial now more than ever to actively pursue leadership roles that empower women. The difficulty arises because many women, myself included in the past, often hesitate to take charge and assume leadership positions. This hesitation is not without reason; women in leadership frequently face ostracism or criticism for being perceived as overly aggressive or “bulldog-like.” We are often reluctantly included in important discussions or receive hesitant acknowledgment for our contributions. However, I am not pointing fingers at a single gender or type of bias; indeed, I have witnessed women occasionally being among the most unsupportive of others in their circle. Regardless, this reality exists, and it often discourages women from seeking leadership opportunities.
I distinctly remember my first experience as a female business owner when I chose to follow rather than lead. I was involved in a pro-bono project with several other professionals, aligning with my goal of supporting a nonprofit each year. I took charge of marketing for the committee and was about to present a social media campaign when one committee member interjected, asking, “What qualifications do you have to be an expert on this topic?”
Inside, I felt defeated. That remark overshadowed the remainder of my presentation, and I found myself silently watching as less experienced colleagues made marketing choices that I could have executed more effectively. Fear held me back; I was too intimidated to defend myself, my expertise, and my business, leading me to adopt a follower's role in that moment.
What could I have done differently? What different approach might you take as a woman in business to challenge yourself and evolve into your full leadership potential?
Now is the ideal time to start embracing your role as the leading lady in your own life, career, and future.
Understanding What It Means to Be a Leader as a Woman
True leadership isn’t about a title, a corner office, or seniority—it’s about the way you show up, day in and day out, for yourself and those around you. I’ve worked with plenty of women in high-ranking positions who, on paper, exude authority, yet behind closed doors, they sow distrust, pit colleagues against one another, or lead with intimidation rather than inspiration. That’s not leadership.
On the flip side, I’ve seen women without fancy titles or years of experience step up in ways that truly define what it means to lead. They’re the ones who lift up their teams, lend a listening ear when someone needs support, and take on challenges not for recognition but because they genuinely care about the success of those around them. These women prove that leadership isn’t granted—it’s embodied. It’s about mindset, integrity, and the daily choices that shape how we influence and inspire others.
But let’s be real—this isn’t always an easy concept to grasp. Many of us learn workplace habits, both good and bad, from the leaders we’re exposed to. I know I did.
In my first corporate job, I was eager to learn, hungry for mentorship, and desperate for a roadmap on how to navigate the professional world as a young woman. My boss seemed like the perfect example—after all, she led an entire department at a massive pharmaceutical company. But I quickly realized that her version of leadership meant unnecessary meetings, talking over others, and tearing down colleagues rather than building them up. No one respected her, not even me. And before long, I found myself mirroring some of those same behaviors just to survive in that environment. It took time—and distance—for me to unlearn those toxic patterns and recognize that leadership isn’t about control or authority. It’s about creating a culture where people feel valued, empowered, and capable of growth.
So if you want to lead—truly lead—it starts with intention. It starts with asking yourself every day:
How am I adding value today?
How will I push myself to grow?
How am I modeling self-care so others feel permission to do the same?
How am I supporting and uplifting the women and professionals around me?
Leadership isn’t a position—it’s a practice. And the more we embrace it in our daily lives, the more we inspire others to do the same.
Overcoming Your Fear of Leading
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat across from a brilliant, capable woman—whether a friend, a client, or a professional acquaintance—listening to her quietly confess her dreams of career growth, starting a business, or stepping into leadership. It always starts the same way:
"I’d love to run my own company, but…"
"I’ve always dreamed of leading a team, but…"
"I wish I could take the leap, but…"
And then comes the inevitable punchline:
"I just don’t have the personality for it."
"I don’t feel qualified enough."
"I’m not a ‘leader’ kind of person."
At some point in the conversation, they turn to me and ask, "How did you do it? How did you find the courage to start and grow a business?" And here’s the truth: I didn’t start out fearless. I started out terrified.
What I’ve learned over the years is that beneath all these doubts lies one common thread—fear. Fear of responsibility, fear of failure, fear of what it actually means to be the one calling the shots. Because if you fail? It’s on you. If you succeed? That’s on you, too. The weight of leadership feels heavy, and imposter syndrome whispers that you’re not worthy of carrying it.
But here’s the thing: No one is ever 100% ready to lead.
You could have an MBA, years of experience, and a five-step plan, and still face plant. Or, you could start with zero experience, sheer determination, and a Wi-Fi connection, and thrive. When I launched my social media strategy company as a young mom, I had no roadmap. But I was more afraid of being trapped in a cubicle than I was of taking a risk. And that tiny, stubborn fear—the fear of staying stuck—was bigger than my fear of failing.
So if fear is what’s holding you back from leading instead of following, lean into it anyway. The difference between a leader and a follower isn’t perfection—it’s action. Will you mess up? Absolutely. Will you feel like you’re in over your head? 100%. But will it be worth it? Yes.
Here’s how I learned to stop letting fear run the show and started building real leadership confidence:
Get Uncomfortable, On Purpose
Adaptability and resilience are two of the most powerful skills in today’s workforce—but they don’t come from playing it safe. Growth happens in discomfort, and leadership is built in the moments you push through fear. So, start small.
Once a week, do something that scares you. Go to that networking event where you don’t know anyone. Speak up in the next team meeting. Pitch that idea you’ve been sitting on. Write that blog post. Whatever it is, don’t overthink it—just do it. You’ll be amazed at how quickly discomfort turns into confidence.
Act As If (Without the B.S.)
We’ve all heard the phrase "fake it till you make it," and while I’m not here to encourage fakery, there’s a powerful lesson in this: Act like the leader you want to become.
Find women who inspire you—ones who lead with confidence, clarity, and integrity. What do they do? Do they mentor others? Start mentoring. Do they write? Start writing. Do they own the room when they speak? Start practicing. You don’t have to wait for permission to embody leadership qualities—you just have to start.
Stay Authentic (No, Really)
The worst mistake I ever made in my career was trying to mold myself into someone I thought a leader should be. I took on responsibilities that didn’t align with my values. I supported causes I wasn’t passionate about. I nodded along to things I didn’t believe in. And the result? I felt miserable, lost, and the farthest thing from a leader.
True leadership isn’t about fitting into a box—it’s about knowing who you are and leading in a way that aligns with your values. Yes, learn from other leaders, but don’t lose yourself in the process. The most impactful leaders are the ones who show up as their real, unfiltered selves.
Breaking Free from the “Good Girl” Mentality
Alright, are you ready for this? I think you are. Because if you truly want to be a respected, fearless, and empowering woman leader, there’s one thing you need to leave behind for good: the “good girl” mentality.
Most of us were raised on a steady diet of be polite, follow the rules, don’t speak out of turn. We were rewarded for being agreeable, praised for being “nice,” and encouraged to shrink ourselves to make others comfortable. And while listening is a valuable leadership skill, obedience is not what builds strong, confident women leaders.
I learned this lesson the hard way. When I first became a business owner, I was juggling a growing team, a growing family, and an overwhelming amount of responsibility. I was dropping the ball left and right, and my default response? Apologizing.
I apologized to my team for being unavailable.
I apologized to my clients for things out of my control.
I apologized to my friends for not having the time to hang out.
Then, one day, I was meeting with a mentor—an incredible woman in her seventies who had been running a successful publication for decades. I was late on a deadline for a project we were working on, and, as usual, I started rattling off apologies.
She put her hand on my shoulder, looked me dead in the eye, and said:
“Lis, stop apologizing. You’ll never be respected as a leader if you’re always saying you’re sorry. Explain if you need to, but the apology is unnecessary.”
Oof. That hit hard.
Because she was right. Women, especially those stepping into leadership, don’t need to seek approval by softening their presence with constant apologies. Leadership isn’t about making everyone happy—it’s about showing up with clarity, confidence, and purpose.
And here’s the truth: Not everyone will like you. Some people will admire and respect you, and others will dislike or even resent you. That’s just part of stepping up. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you free yourself to lead without hesitation.
If you want to be an impactful leader, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea—and that’s a good thing. Because real leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being authentic, standing firm in your values, and inspiring others to do the same.
So let go of the “good girl” mentality. Step boldly into the leader you were meant to be. And, for the love of strong female leadership—stop apologizing for taking up space.
Surround Yourself with Women Leaders
Here’s the thing—leadership isn’t a solo sport. If you want to grow into the kind of woman who leads with confidence and impact, you need to surround yourself with other strong, driven, and, let’s be honest—badass—women. Mentorship isn’t just helpful; it’s essential.
Sure, you could try to figure it all out on your own. Trial and error is always an option. But why take the long, bumpy road when you could have a team of women who’ve been there, done that, and can help you dodge the potholes? Think of your circle of mentors and female leaders as your ultimate training squad. You wouldn’t run a marathon without a good coach—so why approach leadership that way?
And while it might be tempting to build a cozy little crew of “yes” women who nod supportively at everything you do (we all love a little ego boost now and then), the truth is: the best mentors don’t just cheer you on—they challenge you. They see your strengths, but they also call you out when you’re playing small. They push you past your comfort zone, hold you accountable, and remind you that you are capable of so much more than you think.
I can say without a doubt that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the women in my corner—mentors who lifted me up when I doubted myself, but also weren’t afraid to hand me some tough love when I needed it.
So if you don’t already have a solid mentor in your life, now is the time to find one. And don’t worry—I’ve got you covered! I wrote a whole blog post on finding the right mentor to help you navigate this process and connect with someone who will push you to thrive in your business and career.
Because while you could go it alone… why would you want to?
Leading with Authenticity, Because You Are your Superpower
I used to think that being a serious woman thought leader meant I had to play the part—you know, striding into the room with commanding presence, speaking in polished soundbites, and emulating the power players I saw in big conversations. The louder I got, the more I convinced myself I was being respected.
Newsflash: Nobody is drawn to the person trying the hardest to be heard.
The most powerful leaders—the ones who truly leave an impact—don’t need to shout to command a room. They whisper, and the whole room leans in. They don’t compete for attention; their presence is felt because they show up fully as themselves—no posturing, no performance. Just confidence, clarity, and purpose.
The truth is, trying to be a leader isn’t what makes you one. Being yourself, unapologetically, is. When you own who you are and lead with authenticity, people take notice—not because you’re the loudest, but because your presence speaks for itself. You don’t have to hustle for authority or prove yourself constantly; your energy alone makes people listen.
But let’s be real—what if you’ve lost sight of who you even are? It happens. Between career pressures, societal expectations, and that one corporate job where you had to be a watered-down version of yourself, you might be wondering: Where do I even start with being "authentic"?
How to Rediscover Your Authenticity (Before You Lead Others)
Before you can step into leadership, you have to step into yourself again. Here are a few ways to reconnect with your authenticity:
🔹 Reflect on what truly excites you. What do you love talking about, even when no one’s paying you for it? What issues make you light up—or make your blood boil? Passion is a big clue to authenticity.
Ditch the "shoulds." If you’re doing something just because you think it’s what a “leader” should do, stop. The strongest leaders pave their own way, not follow a formula.
Ask yourself: What do I stand for? If you had to sum up your values in one sentence, what would they be? What matters to you so much that you’d stand alone for it if needed?
Pay attention to where you feel most "at home" in your voice. Are you a storyteller? A quiet but powerful strategist? A bold visionary? Lean into your style—not someone else’s.
Surround yourself with realness. If you’re constantly around people who make you feel like you have to prove something, it’s time to change your circle. Authenticity thrives in the right environment.
Women Leaders Who Lead with Authenticity
If you need some real-world inspiration, here are a few powerhouse women who embody authenticity in leadership:
✨ Brené Brown – She made vulnerability a leadership strength, proving that real power comes from honesty and connection.
✨ Sara Blakely (Founder of Spanx) – Built a billion-dollar company by embracing her quirks, humor, and very real stories of failure.
✨ Michelle Obama – Leads with warmth, intelligence, and an unapologetic commitment to her values.
If you’re struggling to step into leadership, start by stepping into yourself first. The world doesn’t need another copy-paste version of what a “leader” is supposed to look like—it needs you.
Step Into Your Power & Lead Your Way
Leadership isn’t about a title, a corner office, or being the loudest voice in the room—it’s about how you show up, how you empower others, and how you own your unique strengths with confidence. Whether you’re breaking free from the good girl mentality, learning to embrace fear, surrounding yourself with powerhouse women, or rediscovering your authenticity, the most important step is simply deciding to lead. Not when you feel “ready,” not when you have it all figured out—but now.
Because the world doesn’t need more women waiting for permission to step up. It needs you—leading boldly, authentically, and without apology. 💡✨
So go claim your space. You were meant for this.
