How to Conquer Imposter Syndrome, and Embrace Your Power
I sat there, hands squeezed together in a silent prayer, palms warm and slick from the strain of trying to maintain a calm front and avoid surrendering to my staple nervous tick -- twirling my hair. I took in slow and deliberate breaths while watching the receptionist out of the corner of my eye. Her perfectly styled hair, calm and impassive face, and continuously typing fingers only amplified my feelings of inadequacy. What was I doing here? Why had they called me back for the interview? Didn't they know that I was full of sh*t?
Leading through Imposter Syndrome is possible.
Sure, I had worked my way through college, but it had taken me seven years to graduate with a degree in -- wait for it -- Communication Studies. I was a fraud. I was not qualified to work at one of the top advertising agencies in the pharmaceutical space.
"Elisabeth Gi-eo-o-ll-i?" The receptionist broke my self-deprecating silent self-talk while butchering my last name. "Gee-o-l-ee," I corrected her, and then felt my face flush with embarrassment, why did I always feel the need to correct people regarding the pronunciation of my name? Yes, my last name was full of vowels, and my first name is Elisabeth with and's' not a 'z,' but did it matter? Why couldn't I just be okay with everyone always getting it wrong?
"Oh, thanks for the correction," she said, laughing warmly. "That's a doozy!" My face flushed again. "I'm half Italian... It's Italian." I muttered and then immediately regretted oversharing. My hands were now wet and slick. Thank goodness I had worn a black jacket, because my hands weren't the only thing sweating. "They're ready for you, Ms. Gioeli."
And into the lion's den, I went, for my third interview, at my first 'real' job. I did get the job, despite my self-doubt, lack of experience, and in the face of my professional ignorance. Yet the feeling of being the imposter in the room never left me. Not even after a promotion. And not after I started my own business.
Now, at almost 40, I am finally learning how to own my power, believe in myself, and conquer imposter syndrome.
So, What is Imposter Syndrome?
Put simply, Imposter Syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony, especially in professional situations and settings. Harvard Business Review states that "'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence." According to the Very Well Mind blog, Imposter Syndrome was initially associated with successful women leaders, in the early 1970s, but has been expanded to many men and women in professional roles.
I've been struggling with the feeling of being an imposter since high school. The first time I remember the feeling taking over was when I applied for a small college scholarship from the Rotary Club in the little town of Idyllwild, CA, where I grew up. I remember presenting in front of a bunch of older gentlemen, and one woman, in my grade school gym. I was there with the other 'extraordinary' kids in my home town -- the kids who didn't have the funds to attend a four-year school without help, or the parental support to have applied for more impactful scholarships. We were the outliers. The ones which could have easily been left behind, yet we wanted more. More than a life-long job as a restaurant server. I didn't feel qualified. I was just a reformed child of two free-spirited hippie parents. Someone else surely deserved to be on stage talking about 'what they had overcome.'
Still, I went through the motions. In the end, I gained a $2,000 scholarship to attend community college. I was astounded, yet the evidence that I too was qualified and worthy didn't sink in.
Most of my life has been spent running a race against myself. If I just get that job, bring on that client, have that particular outfit, workout five days a week, and produce a perfect body, I too will be worthy of success and happiness. Sound familiar? It's exhausting.
Today, it's estimated that around 70% of people will experience Imposter Syndrome at some point in their life.
As a recovering imposter, who's now learning to own my power as a leader, an entrepreneur, a mom, and a woman, here are a few of the ways I've seen Imposter Syndrome take over and stop wondrously talented women from pursuing their dreams.
What if I fail?
A core driver of Imposter Syndrome can be the fear of failing. That's why so many of us stay in our lane and don't branch out to try new hobbies, or change careers, or go for that big goal. The fear of failure is just too much. But if you are always on the sidelines, will you be satisfied? On your deathbed, will you say, "I had a good life because I never tried anything new, but I also didn't want to fail."?
Anyone could do this.
I can't tell you the number of times I've minimized my success, or have witnessed others doing the same because of their belief that their success is because of luck or happenstance.
"I was just in the right place at the right time."
"I'm only successful because of my team."
"Anyone could do this job, I'm just the one doing it."
That's absolute BS. The truth is that not everyone can do the same job you do, or have the same talent you have. It's yours! Maybe you did hit the market at the right time, or build a fantastic team to help get you to the next level, but you did those things! Own your success!
I'm only successful because of helping hands.
Sometimes feeling like an imposter can be amplified by the belief or disbelief of those in our life. Full transparency -- my uncle was an employee of the first organization I worked for, but he wasn't my boss and didn't even work in the same location. Yet, at least a few times, family members or friends would discover this fact and say, "Oh, I get why you got that job now." The unsolicited feedback would always push me into an imposter spiral, where I'd second guess my worthiness. But my uncle didn't get me the job, he recommended me for the interview. And five interviews later, I gained the position -- on my own. Besides that fact, there is no shame in accepting a helping hand. No rulebook says you need to unnecessarily struggle to build your business or gain your dream job. In fact, if you refuse to accept help, growing and maturing in your life and career will be incredibly and unnecessarily hard! You still need to do the work. Support is just a boost, not a mark on your character.
What if they find out that I'm a fake?
If I were to wear a manifestation of Imposter Syndrome like a cape, this would be the cape I would wear. The feeling of being a fake, or a phony, has messed with me and my ability to accept my own success countless times. It's the thing that kept me from shouting on the rooftops how proud of myself I was, it's the thing that made me shut down my first business, it's the thing that still makes my hands shake and sweat every time I give a presentation.
Over time, though, I've begun to peel back the layers of this belief system, and I've realized that no one really knows what they are doing. The difference is in action versus inaction. And that's my core talent. Despite feeling like an imposter most of my life, I have always found the will power to move through the thick putty-like fear of failure, to the next step, then the next, then the next.
How I've worked to combat Imposter Syndrome:
Preface -- I did not just wake up one morning with the awareness of how to stop feeling like an imposter. In fact, most days, the fear and insecurity still bubble up, and I have to be present and aware enough of the fear-creep to move through it. Over time, though, and with A LOT of therapy, I've learned to 'move through' fear instead of letting it paralyze me.
We're more alike than different.
One of the most significant breakthroughs I made, in my thirties, to conquer Imposter Syndrome has been to accept one big truth. Almost everyone around me that I admire has the same fears and reservations as I do. I've been fortunate to find some fantastic mentors in my life, and those individuals helped me see that feeling like an imposter is more common than I had thought. Plus, somehow, the people I admire most had found ways to still do the things they want to do and accomplish amazing things. This knowledge has given me permission to do the same. Ask your mentor or the person you admire most if they ever feel unworthy of their achievements. I bet their response will surprise you.
Do the next obvious step.
In the face of fear and uncertainty, you can either curl up into a little ball of dread, climb under the covers and hide, or you can just simply do the next obvious step. Maybe that step is just showing up to an event you're dreading or calling a prospect that intimidates you or starting on a pitch presentation. Don't let yourself jump ahead! When Imposter Syndrome takes over, beat it by taking baby steps toward your next big move. Inch yourself into the mile, instead of trying to run the whole mile at once.
Get an ego boost.
You know you need to ask for a raise or talk with your day job about reducing hours to pursue your dream. You know you need to create a website, but can't get yourself to do it. That's when you need to call your BFF, set up coffee with your mentor, or your mom. Talk to someone who has your happiness in their heart, and knows you well. Tell them how you're feeling, and ask for a 'shot of confidence!' It really works. Sometimes asking your biggest supporter to remind you of your strengths is all that's needed to get you off the edge of the pool of life and into the water.
Establish your tribe.
I've talked about this in other posts, and I can't stress enough the importance of having a tribe of people (not necessarily friends or family) that are going through the same things you are. It might be networking with a small group of business owners, a monthly meetup with similar professionals, or anything in between. You need to find people who will celebrate your success, understand what you're going through, and give insight along the way. Don't underestimate the power of a shared dream. Find your tribe.
To be honest, I've come to accept that, at times, I am going to feel unworthy of achievement and inadequate. But, the big difference for me now is that I know the feeling will pass, and I refuse to let these feelings stop me from finding my stride and owning my power and success.
What could you do with that connection of power?
xoxo
EM 💜
