What Your 20’s Are Really For: Embracing Growth, Mistakes, and Self-Discovery
By Holly Presswell, WU Copywriter, Grad Student, and Thriving 20-Something Extraordinaire
In your 20’s, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Whether it’s your friend who just bought a new outfit and you wonder how they afford it, a stranger running past you on the street and thinking, Why can’t I run as fast as them?, or a schoolmate who’s been traveling the world and you feel like you’re wasting your life by not doing the same—comparison is a natural tendency. But while it’s an instinct we all have, it doesn’t mean it’s always helpful.
As someone in their 20s, I’ve seen everyone I know take a different path. Some of my friends are already parents, some are still living at home, while others are off traveling or pursuing higher education. A few have already secured jobs in their chosen field, while others are still figuring things out. And then there's me—someone who’s still piecing things together, trying to understand what my next move is. This uncertainty is both exciting and daunting, and honestly, it can sometimes feel like you’re falling behind.
Growing up, we’re conditioned to believe that by a certain age, we need to have it all figured out. At 14, you’re expected to choose your high school subjects, each decision leading you closer to a specific career path. By 16, you have to pick a college course. At 18, you begin applying to universities, thinking you need to immediately set your life on a predetermined trajectory. These are life-defining decisions to make at such a young age, and it can feel like an immense weight on your shoulders.
Recently, I visited my grandmother, and she shared a sentiment that struck me. “At your age, I had a husband, children, and a house,” she said. I responded, “Times have changed now, Gran,” but it got me thinking: What is normal for someone in their 20s today? What does “having it all together” really mean in the modern world?
Statistics provide some perspective. The average age for buying a house is now 35. The average age for having a baby is 30, and the average age for getting married is 36. So, suddenly, there’s this sense of relief—I have time. In fact, I have more time than I initially thought to figure things out and explore what I really want out of life.
One of the most enlightening things I’ve read recently was a metaphor: comparing yourself to others is like judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree. This struck me because we often judge ourselves by someone else's success story, which rarely tells the whole picture. Social media only exacerbates this issue, presenting a curated snapshot of people's lives—highlight reels, if you will. Everyone’s posting about their new job, their travels, their perfect relationships, or their accomplishments. In this fast-paced digital world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re not measuring up, and that’s dangerous for your mental health and personal growth.
Social media can become a constant stream of successes that others are having, while you’re left wondering why you aren’t experiencing the same milestones. This comparison often makes us feel inadequate, jealous, or frustrated. Why am I feeling envious of a girl I don’t even know? Why does it seem like everyone else has it together while I’m still figuring out my next step?
But here’s the silver lining: comparison doesn’t have to be a negative force. Instead of viewing others’ successes as a sign of your failure, you can reframe them as motivation. If someone is excelling in an area you desire to improve, let it fuel you to push harder toward your own goals. On the other hand, if you let comparison take over, it becomes a vicious cycle, leading to self-doubt and a constant feeling of inadequacy. When you view yourself through the lens of comparison, you miss out on recognizing your unique path and the progress you’re making.
So, over the past few years, I’ve learned some techniques to manage these feelings and avoid letting them define my self-worth. Here’s what I’ve been doing to not fall into the trap of constantly measuring myself against others:
Celebrate Every Win, Big or Small
When you’re always looking at where others are in life, it’s easy to forget how far you’ve come. Celebrate your progress, no matter how minor it seems. Did you finish a project at work? Celebrate it. Did you manage to stick to a fitness routine for a week? Celebrate that too. Every milestone is a sign that you’re moving forward. By acknowledging the small victories, you’ll start to notice that you are achieving things at your own pace.
This also ties into building momentum. The more you celebrate your wins, the more positive energy you create, which makes it easier to achieve even more.
Limit Your Time on Social Media
I know—this one is easier said than done. Social media is designed to be addictive, and it’s difficult not to scroll through your feed and feel like you’re missing out. But over the past couple of years, I’ve made a conscious effort to spend less time online. I don’t want to compare my life to someone else’s filtered reality. The more time you spend scrolling, the more pressure you place on yourself to match up to what you see. The goal isn’t to shut yourself off from social media entirely, but to use it intentionally. Follow accounts that inspire you, not ones that make you feel bad about where you are in life.
Look Back and Appreciate How Far You’ve Come
Sometimes, it’s important to look backward, not just forward. Think about who you were five or even two years ago. If that version of you could see where you are today, they would be amazed. Life is full of unexpected opportunities, and the path you’ve taken has probably led you to places you never imagined. Recognizing your growth is important for gaining perspective and appreciating your journey. This doesn’t mean you stop striving for more—it just means that you acknowledge and honor where you are in the present, rather than constantly looking ahead.
Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes
Here’s the thing: No one really knows what they’re doing. People in their 20s are often just winging it, figuring things out along the way. Some people are better at faking it than others, but behind every successful person is a collection of failures, lessons, and mistakes. So, give yourself permission to mess up. Your 20’s are meant to be a time of exploration, learning, and growth, which means you have the freedom to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. It's through these failures that you’ll discover what you really want, what works for you, and what doesn’t.
Realize That Everyone Has Their Own Timeline
Another thing I’ve learned is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. While some people may have it all figured out early on, others may take longer to reach certain milestones. Some people will climb the career ladder quickly, while others will start their own businesses later in life. Some will get married young, while others will find love in their 30’s or beyond. There’s no “normal” anymore—there’s only your own timeline. So instead of feeling left behind, embrace your own journey and trust that things will unfold in the right time for you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Change Your Mind
Your 20’s are also a time of constant change, and that’s okay. Your interests, passions, and goals may shift dramatically during this decade. Don’t be afraid to change your mind or pivot in a new direction. If you feel drawn to something else, go after it. You’re still in the process of discovering who you are, and that means embracing the fluidity of this time.
The Bottom Line: Your 20’s Are For Figuring It Out
The bottom line is that your 20’s are meant for figuring things out. You don’t have to have everything sorted by the time you hit 30—life isn’t a race. Make mistakes, learn from them, and try new things. Go out on adventures. Kiss the boy. Travel. Buy the jeans that make you feel good. Laugh with friends until you cry. Take chances. Your 20’s are for living, growing, and exploring what kind of person you want to become.
So, enjoy it. Have fun. This is your time, and it’s yours to make the most of.
