Why Summer Is Harder Than the School Year for Working Moms (And How to Make It Easier)
You would think that after over 10 summers with kids out of school, I’d be a pro at planning for the shift, establishing routines that work, and finding thoughtful ways to spend quality time with my kiddos. And yet, every single year, the end of the school year sneaks up on me. Halfway through summer, I find that I’m buried in work that’s behind schedule, overwhelmed by play dates and summer activities, and struggling with the loss of routine and desire to have a meaningful and fun summer that isn’t dominated by screens, yet allows me time to work and enjoy the season – is that too much to ask?
Anyhow, this summer, I’ve finally defined the problem. It’s not that “summer” is the issue. In fact, I so look forward to the change in routine and the time away from so much structure for my kiddos and me. The challenge is that every summer looks different from the last, and truly, every season of transition is like this with kids – they are not the same kids they were last year, and therefore, our routine and what worked last time have to shift. So, with that in mind, let’s talk about what actually works to make a summer with kids fulfilling, rather than anxiety-creating and just plain hard.
Every Summer Requires a New Parenting Playbook
Wherever you are in your parenting journey this summer, I bet you’re starting to realize that every summer requires a new system and parenting style.
When you have toddlers, every moment is about supervision and making small decisions. Perhaps your biggest need during this phase is finding care for your children during work hours. Elementary-aged kids need activities and action. You might be scrambling to set up camps, play dates, and sports activities for them this summer, which is not only time-consuming but also exhausting. If you have teenagers or tweens, all they want is independence, so how do you accommodate this while still keeping them safe and close, in between Zoom calls and board meetings?
If you’re in any one of these phases with kids in a transition season, you’re likely learning that this summer is nothing like last summer. Your systems need to evolve; your plan from two years ago is a complete failure this time around, and if you’re not pulling your hair out trying to figure out what works for the kids and functions for your professional responsibilities, then you’re a unicorn. I’d love to know your secret. But if you’re like the rest of us, who feel that every single summer with kids of any age starts with high hopes and big intentions, and then quickly devolves into a fat, messy, poupouri of missed appointments, screaming matches over which activities are taking place, and constant meeting interruptions, read on!
Let Your Kids Grow Into More Responsibility
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been cruising along, thinking, “Oh, they’re not ready for that yet,” only to see a friend’s kids or read an article about a chore or responsibility that my kids are more than ready to take on. It’s super easy to get into a mode of doing everything for your kids, and then suddenly realize you’re actually holding them back, because allowing them to stretch and take on new responsibilities is part of what gives them positive challenges and pride in their accomplishments and capabilities. Summer is the perfect time to introduce some expanded responsibilities for your kids, depending on their ages.
Bonus: Giving your kiddos responsibilities around the house and outside the home, in the form of chores, tasks, and activities, also frees up your time for work! Win, win!
Here’s a broad breakdown of what I’ve implemented over the years. Now that I have a fifth grader and a high-schooler, some of these buckets are, in fact, things I wish I had had them do sooner!
Younger kids (3 - 8 years old)
Visual routines
Making checklists with images or icons
Creating “simple choice” options (this or this)
Setting up stations in your home or outside for particular activities
Simple chores
Picking up their toys
Putting away folded clothes
Helping with small tasks for meals, like setting the table, etc
Feeding the pets (if you have them)
Making their bed
Independent play
Coming up with games to play independently with siblings
Creating without a template: building a fairy house, LEGO creation, etc
Reading together
Designated time where you read to your child, and they read to you
Older kids (10 - 15)
Laundry
Helping make meals or clean up
Household chores
Packing for activities
Making lunch
Managing calendars
Helping younger siblings
Summer jobs or volunteering
Trade Perfect Schedules for Flexible Family Rhythms
Making summer or school-break routines rigid only makes everyone in the house crazy. Some days flow, and some don’t. Instead of getting granular with your planning, like, “at 8 am we’ll eat breakfast, and at 9 am, we’ll read,” maybe try to bucket things out for your week in a loose format so you can easily pivot, move things around, and be spontaneous when the opportunity arises.
Having anchor points that focus on a rhythm within the weekly routine usually goes over better in my home than a regimented schedule. Here’s a quick weekly example schedule, but obviously, do what’s best for you and your kiddos.
Morning:
breakfast (can they help make it?)
reading (together or separately)
This is where you can work
movement (like a walk or short sports drill)
Afternoon:
responsibilities (cleaning up, organizing, taking care of the pets)
Zoom calls go here!
free time (perhaps, games instead of screen time?)
summer-slide activity (flashcards, worksheets, math games)
Evening:
dinner together
walk as a family
downtime (watch a movie together)
This schedule style works better for kids of all ages than for a very specific age group. Which is great, since this summer is nothing like last summer.
Stop Trying to Recreate Last Summer
Last summer was great, I get it. Or, perhaps it was a total s-show. Regardless, trying to recreate what worked for your kiddos and your family from last year is a quick recipe for disappointment.
Go ahead and take a moment to mourn what was; the splash pad was epic, the mom and me hangouts were the best, and then move on from trying to replicate a phase that has passed and focus on the growth of this season with your maturing family.
Maybe take some time to reflect, with your partner and your children, on what you loved about last summer. Perhaps, try a few of the activities, and see if they’re still a good fit for you and your kids. But if spending all day at the pool is no longer a hit, or if the coffee shop “work and read” dates no longer fly, say a little goodbye to the time when that was fun, and start looking for what’s a hit this year!
Here are a few ways we evolved at different stages over the course of our summers, as I searched for fun activities that still worked with, well, work!
Ages 3 - 6
Shady Park Dates - I would work at a picnic table, while they played near me, or on the playground for hours. Bring lots of snacks and water!
Ages 6 - 10
Riverside or Beachside days - Once your kiddos can swim competently, setting up and hanging out at the pool, beach, or river is a great way to spend the day and get in a few meetings and emails.
Ages 10 - 13
Planned hangouts or kid swaps - Plan to switch off days with another working parent, where your kiddo goes to their house, and then you host. Sometimes, a kiddo with a friend is easier than a solo kiddo or one trying to get along with their sibling.
Ages 14 - 18
Allow for freedoms and activities that push boundaries and skills, like summer jobs, learning adult skills, working with grandparents, and traveling without you or your partner.
Build Values Around What Matters Most
Instead of creating a bucket list of things to do and places to go each summer, maybe make a list of values that can be the focus of your life and stay the same each year. The nice thing about a summer value list is that it can remain consistent through the various phases your family goes through, even as activities and trips change.
This way, whether you have a summer in Europe or one where all you can manage is getting out to the pool a few times, your values can still guide you toward a fulfilling and manageable summer.
Here are a few examples of what I mean by creating a value-driven summer, versus an accomplishment-driven season. Your focus could include:
Finding opportunities for adventure
Learning something new
Resting and rebooting for the next school year
Spending as much time outdoors as possible
Having a family dinner at least once a week
Fostering new and long-standing friendships
Doing something independently of each other
Having family-only occasions or activities
Redefine Fulfillment in Every Season
Every season of life requires different actions, expectations, and experiences to feel fulfilling for your particular family. There’s the stuff that you can plan, like vacations, child care, camps, play dates, and planned family time or work hours, and then there’s the stuff that’s unexpected, and throws everyone for a loop, like a broken arm, puberty changes, or even more impactful, a health crisis, or big life transition, like a divorce. Whatever you can’t control this summer, just remember that fulfillment doesn’t necessarily come from doing things exactly as you always have or did before.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, we had to pivot in a ton of ways that were unexpected, and that period of time made our family and children more resilient and flexible. When we moved to a new community, we had to completely reboot our summer traditions, friendships, and plans.
Each summer brings not only changes in your career needs and your kiddos’ needs, but also new challenges and opportunities to grow.
So here’s the deal: you can either fight the inevitable evolution of your family and work-life balance (or lack thereof) tooth and nail, or embrace the messy, crazy, yet fulfilling season you’re in. But it starts with surrendering to what your family actually needs right now.
Maybe it's paying enough attention to notice that our kids are growing into new versions of themselves—and giving ourselves permission to grow alongside them.
I’m not sure if it was last year, or this year, but I’ll be honest, after 14 summers of working with kids, I’ve finally stopped chasing the perfect summer…I know, I’m a stubborn, stubborn woman. And, it’s been such a relief.
And instead of forcing things and aiming for perfection, I’m more excited about letting things be a mess, and seeing where my kids are at, and what they can do with their time.
Have I planned a bunch of things for us to do? Absolutely!
Have we made it to all of those things? Of course not.
Are there weeks where we run ourselves ragged? Heck, yes.
Ultimately, my goal now, while working summers with kids, is to know we tried a lot of things, and not stress at all about the stuff that didn’t stick.
I wish you the best of luck as you navigate through work and summer with your kiddos. If you have any tips, questions, or comments about this post, we’d love to hear from you!
